girl-in-nestIt was her habit

to keep secrets

never betray a confidence


find it hard to trust

those who were over friendly

with compliments and kind words

often the first to loosen arrow

better then to step back

stifle trust sufficiently

take time to know the measure

best found

when things are not golden

but a helping hand is needed

to pull the drowning man from his wet


then we can be sure

they’ll not let go so easily

the bearers of trust

turning softly against

intention like a water

wheel will clothe itself

in the voices of the well

and rise up

shaking itself off

to the turn of life again

breaking spells

of divination and miracle

all ephemeral against

the reliability of turning

in circles creating ever

increasing circles

cast like spring flowers

against the frost

38 thoughts on “Mandala

  1. So understand those that run when the shit hits the fan. Have had it happen over and over again since I have had a lot of shit on fans. Still do. And in the sorrow that lingers in the memory of all my pain, in the dark days of grief I visit every year where are those who care? I haven’t seen them. You say this so beautifully.

  2. It’s a never ending cycle of the building and destruction of trust. Each experience leaves something everlasting within that makes you want to doubt all you encounter or embrace them in confidence.

  3. Aww! That illusion we call trust. Hasn’t our hearts betrayed or turned to anger when someone breaks our trust yet we go on continuing to trust until it happens too many time and we become jaded and withdrawn within our fences not to let that trust break again. Beautiful poem

  4. But I will take some blame since I often deflect the pain from others, not wanting to burden. I am realizing if I expect them to shoulder me, they need to know I need a shoulder, you know?

  5. I do think this is very true of you my friend. You have a tendency to give a lot more than you get, because you are very caring and always have time to give to others even if you are in need. IT is one thing to know this, another to change a habit of a life time. I admire you for it but i agree with you that like everyone you too have needs that people need to remember and not just take from you

  6. Honestly nothing to admire. I’m still horrible at letting my pain known. But acknowledging is the first step. You, too, do not like to “burden” others. This I know from your book release. That was hard for you. But friends won’t feel burdened. Gees, I just need to listen to my own advice…

  7. Wise girl. It is very hard to know what you know you should do when you are turning to help others I hear you. Maybe having friends who know one another and can hold one another afloat is some help xo

  8. Yes. Sometimes all you can do is just float. Not trying to swim, that’s just to ambitious. Not letting the water sink you. Just float. And a friend to float with you makes it all the easier.

  9. Do you have any idea of how great your much your writing is evolving into greatness??? You are truly coming into your own and baby it’s amazing to be a witness to this birthing of sorts! Your work has always been good, but since the “fall” as it were a few months ago you have come back with gusto and greatness. ‘Tis this that has engendered vitriol from those who will never have your talent and ability. Love and hugs, N 🙂 ❤

  10. Wow that’s such a lovely thing to say. I often felt as if I were being told by a lot of people my work was good but I could not really see it for myself and now I feel that despite anything I am writing out a world and though it is not always positive (or negative) it’s a world I hope to leave behind and that alone gives me meaning.

  11. All understood. And felt. Lately I’ve been self-analysing and wondering if maybe I don’t tend to keep all my shit to myself (apart from writing about it) hence maybe I wncourage this circle where I complain that nobody is ever there for me while I’m always there for everyone. After a lot of thinking about it, yes I do that. But peope are still at fault though. I shouldn’t need to fall apart in front of everyone for them to understand it’s my turn to need a little help.Plus, so hard to let even close friends see your vulnerable core…for a number of reasons…one of them (the most important of them) being that some in the past have used our scars against us.

  12. honestly i agree w/u that you do keep a lot in, when you’re feeling that way i can tell because you are there but you are not there, it’s like you are away but standing present. and you are there for everyone else but never ask them to be there for you. totally agree with that. it’s about trust of course, and feeling that you are worth it. if you could see yourself the way some who love you do, you’d know you were, but that’s so much easier said than done i have the same issue. but you must do what you want to do, equally though it puts you at risk of others taking and taking and taking and not giving enough which you should never have to ask them to do ! but they should do! and if they don’t and they can only react when you fall apart what does that say about how much attention they are paying? sometimes (to be totally honest) i want to say something but don’t want to ‘bother’ you and that is my fault. maybe next time i feel that way i will ask you if you are ok. but i also agree it is VERY hard to let even close friends see the core because if even one of those close friends has betrayed you then your automatic unconscious thought it ‘who will be next’ and that’s how i feel so i get what you mean as that is actually sadly the case too many times people don’t realize by betraying trust they betray the entire fabric

  13. Candice, I have never felt let down by you in any way. You are always there, I know that. I want you to know that the reverse is true. And you’re right, it is “the entire fabric” that’s betrayed and I wish people (who break trust) understood that, though would it make a difference to their actions? Maybe not.
    I though of you the other day actually because this really lovely French man said on my blog: “ma chère amie, ton intensité est un atout mais m’effraie quand même parfois.” I was like, well hi???? This is me. It frightens me too at times but how can I stop being who I am? It’s not as if I haven’t tried to be *less* intense about things but I’ve had no success with it. So of course I thought of you because we’ve discussed this before.

  14. Totally true. It is hard when you are considered a certain way, romantic, ideal, perfection, because you really do only have one place to go from there (down) even without doing a DAMN THING to cause it. What girl wouldn’t like someone to say that of them, but at the same time, it comes with a price doesn’t it? So maybe the best kind of adoration is to adore the reality not the spectacle or the icon of a person as is so easy to do. Then again if you lost your intensity I would have to scream for at least a week so don’t try … let yourself be spectacularly unsuccessful at not losing your intensity forevermore.

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