Freedom from your scorn

babushka_1-tcall me anything you like or don’t call me at all

you’re cold when I’m hot and hot when I’m cold

many years past you asked that I leave

go away you said this isn’t your continent you do not belong here this is not your country

your jaw was too narrow to carry your eyes

I could see in between your bones and feel your lies

you sent me metaphorically packing

because of that I stayed

though you were right in a way, I did not belong

call me anything you like or don’t call me at all

you’re cold when I’m hot and hot when I’m cold

sometimes when someone threatens you

you say, okay then, bring it on

and you watch yourself fall down the rabbit hole

next time I’m challenged to a duel, I may hang up my sword

catch the next bus out-of-town

proving ourselves in battle, rarely avoids scars

call me anything you like or don’t call me at all

you’re cold when I’m hot and hot when I’m cold

what makes one person give another everything?

even when they know they will never receive an ounce in return?

do we loathe ourselves that much?

call me anything you like or don’t call me at all

you’re cold when I’m hot and hot when I’m cold

I’m done, breaking my heart over people

least of all you

you who broke me and didn’t even know you did

how absurd we are who give everything

to an empty hanger in an empty wardrobe in an empty chest within our empty arms

call me anything you like or don’t call me at all

you’re cold when I’m hot and hot when I’m cold

and I’m out of here with freedom from your scorn

 

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52 thoughts on “Freedom from your scorn

      1. I’m sorry you’re in that boat. It’s a sinking ship. At least for me. And to be fair I stopped giving too. Then it was nobody giving or getting. Just existing. Makes me sad to even type. But at least with dual culpability there is very little blame and bitterness from either of us. Anyway, I hate to see you on this marooned row boat.

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      2. I lost bitterness when I acknowledged my role. It’s hard to be bitter with someone when you know you played a hand. And then there’s intention. I’ve told you that before. I know my ex’s intentions were never to hurt me or lose caring for me. It was just par for our course. Just not my soulmate. Nor I his. But meant to be during our time because my boys were meant to be.

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      3. Good point. If we admit we are part culpable it helps as long as we do not blame ourselves when we’re not. I also agree if you know someone did not mean to hurt you that is very different to say, when they set out to. Absolutely right. And you did the right thing because if it wasn’t right then you set both of you free. I for one think you were very brave and courageous to do it, most would not have the guts. I admire you but I also know it wasn’t easy, just because you make the choice doesn’t take away the sting does it?

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      4. No, it doesn’t. I have mourned this loss just like any other in my life because it is just that a death. A death if my past life, but just as with the others it is perfect in its essence because whatever is waiting for me would never be without it. That sounds very healthy. I’m just entering the phase where I’m not a blubbering mess about it. How are you handling things?

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      5. I agree. I feel it’s no less than a death. People who lose people literally say physical death is the worst. Maybe but my experience says any loss, physical or not, is bad, especially if it’s emotional in many ways the same. It is hard to look back on your past life and feel okay without regrets, but you’re doing a really good job and it’s not even been long so you’re further than you think. I’m doing good – it’s finally cold here, I’m busy and hungry all the time but at least it’s not 80f where it felt really unseasonal and I felt so strange like it can’t be Jan/Feb! When I get home I will write you xo

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  1. what makes one person give another everything?
    even when they know they will never receive an ounce in return?

    Maybe it’s love. And hope. I want to believe it’s just that some of us have so much love to give, and hope that can’t be diminished. Not that we aren’t hurt and don’t suffer scars, because I think maybe we do more so. Maybe somewhere along the way, we realize that the risk for love and hope is worth the scars? I hope. And love to you. πŸ’œ

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes full of scorn……on the other hand a self reflection as well not to do it again. I have been in that position as well but now I dance away from them and they do not know why and I don’t tell them. Learn to dance around them….less heartache. Be well and stay well.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Like the movie matrix it is up to them to take the red pill if they will. I think the red pill was reality and the blue pill was living the dream. I think people eventually get a rude awakening by others saying stuff to them of if they are drama all the time people do shed away from these people as well.

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      2. I’m with you on that front. I always loved The Matrix for that exact reason and the ideas behind it, I often think of it when I’m writing so you really picked up on that! I feel the symbolism and truth of waking up from a lie and choosing to either stay in the lie or admit the truth is such a metaphor to life. Much like the title of the book The Unbearable LIghtness of Being that’s the other great influence on me. At times I do believe ignorance is bliss I just can’t do it but I know it would be an easier life.

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      3. Yes ignorance is bliss and yes life would be easier but then how many lies can we live without tripping on them as a reminder…..no more. Truth is harsher and stings some times but is more liberating in the end. Be well my friend πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Reminds me of the Janis Joplin song….” Freedom’s just another word…..” It is unless we act on it with what courage we have to detach ourselves from hurt, hatred, evil and a life that slowly drains until it is too late. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for sharing these words. I felt exactly like this, just giving, being broken and still loving back without an agency. It all comes back full circle, as my straight line feelings would bend back and crucify me on a cross of my own carving.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. So relate to this, but even worse than someone’s scorn, is knowing they feel nothing at all…sometimes any emotion is better than none…as always your words stir my emotions…luv ya my friend 😊❀

    Liked by 1 person

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