The surface


Play the chord

fingers synchronized with musical word

if it could music would

speak her ache and exchange seats

pass the parcel

good children canceling upbringing

she was told early in life

click your heals, come what may

stomach flu for those who try

cucumber eaters reward the beguiled

not everything hot seeks to be mild

she has shorn her hair

she had snipped her tinny heart

a changing in need of firm foothold

women flock together

temptation to condemn grows bold

she wants to say

do not condemn her

because she reminds you of a hated sister

or provoked in her fist toward the sky

some outcry

the cantor of what ifs

rich healed but poor in charity

make do with petitions nobody reads

can you eat paper?

served empty stomachs before bed

you liked her for the very things that tried to kill

a blue jay lands in her hair

she is beholden of magic in mosaic hour

nobody talks to the lax or those who having lived say

i am tired do not stone me for my wish to sleep

they tell us to wake refreshed and give thanks for every day

as the woman with tumors can attest

we never know our last act

but she is unappreciative according to modern science

she has only felt horror in the divulge

show me purpose in this false world she cries

show me meaning on the flat tyres of transport

choking concrete eyelids

she never spoke her own language

she spoke through bandages

swaddling true message

could it be for some this world is too much?

the refuge of the underneath bewitching

thronging temptation far across water

she smells just like your childhood girlfriend

capturing applies in her cotton frock

go back through time

give your place to another

let them pluck the skinned chord

tune the piano with violent glove

close audience’s raptor with honest stare

beyond them and the sweating lights

disrobing in darkness


a familiar urging retreat


bow your striped head

step away in foil

take your now

it is all right

to seek to let go

and skip

senseless below

the surface


27 thoughts on “The surface

  1. “good children canceling upbringing
    she was told early in life”

    Powerful and thought provoking lines. I wish I could describe what your words soak in emotions make me feel.

  2. This one is really close to my heart! ” could it be for some the world is too much?” For me, the answer is yes, but I’m still here. For my beautiful and talented cousin who killed herself, yes it was too much. She told me once, ” Ricky, sometimes the world and I don’t seem to be meant for one another” I can picture her now…blond and beautiful and funny and so smart….like me, she had just about everyone fooled with a pretend smile and ” I’m fine, how are you?” You end with, ” it is alright to seek to let go ” I agree and pray God is holding her near. I miss her and will never ever forget her.

  3. Ddepression is such a beast! In this morning’s paper here there was an article about the use of TEM (magnetic therapy) for healing. In the States I think it was, they also used it successfully on a 40’s something man with autism ! How cool is that ?! The advances in modern medicine are astounding – and moving more and more towards natural, gentle, non-invasive treatments. Just had to share this exciting news with someone πŸ™‚ BTW, on another totally unrelated medical marvel – did you know dentists are now regrowing dentine with stem cells? Really!! haven’t yet worked out how to grow enamel, but the age of drills, amalgalam and numb faces is also heading down the gurgler πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

  4. You know what I honestly think though? If you eat right, exercise or do yoga, and generally take care of yourself then if you experience depression for reasons other than loss/grief but more the type that ‘just is’ then that’s how you see the world and no pill, no magnet, nothing can change that, it’s that you see the sadness in the world and nothing makes that okay and whilst you’d like to be able to not let that affect you, the way you are wired forces you to always see it that way, I don’t really believe even cognitive therapy can change that it’s a persons response to the world you know? but i agree it is good that advances are less chemical based and I truly believe for those who do not have long term depression they work

  5. You’re right, there are different kinds of depression – the reactive kind is always easier to deal with and nip in the bud.You think it’s in the genes? Or perhaps cellular memories that keep on being triggered because they haven’t been cleared ?

  6. I agree. I used to work with about eighty percent reactive and we nearly always saw ameleoration of symptoms but with those with dysthymia (sp) rarely because it was part of them. Not something they embraced, asked for or encouraged, more like how they saw the world, which even cognitive therapy could not re-mold because it was ingrained as their actual outlook/personality. People say you can change personality, to some extent, you can be less negative etc, but if you actually see the world and humanity as say, being destructive, cruel, lacking empathy, it is hard to ‘be happy’ on a constant, and moreover, if you are not happy doing things others find makes them happy it’s just who you are, unless there is a definite reason. Many times there is no reason. I don’t know, maybe partially learned/genetic inherited but partly how self-aware you are. the most self-aware people I have met usually were not terribly happy that’s just my experience because if they ‘tried’ to enjoy something they would come back to realizing it was … without much intrinsic value and maybe glossing over the pain that was going on simultaneously, sort of like trying to enjoy a football game and seeing that it really is just a ‘game’ and that ‘reality’ is people are dying/raped/starving. I think for those kinds of people they are RIGHT but they are tormented by it, because they cannot switch off and go to a different place to appease themselves on some solace of temporary happiness? It could well be cellular memories though because I am sure if you have positive memories it has a knock on effect don’t you?

  7. made me think of how often depressed people are ‘condemned’ for being depressed like it’s a choice. It’s my opinion few if any would ever choose such a perspective but I also don’t believe depression is something you can ‘cure’ easily if at all when it’s not due to a situation (bereavement etc) because it’s like saying ‘let’s change how we view the world entirely’ which yes, maybe some can do but most of us are who we are, and as such if you see the sadness in the world and it is that coupled with not seeing distractions like football as appeasing that intrinsic sadness, then you’re going to for the most part, view the world and life as ‘suffering’ with respites of joy/happiness. That’s how I view the world it’s not because I do not acknowledge others are happy maybe even most of the time, nor that I don’t wish I had that perspective, but since I was a kid I opened my eyes and I saw the world and this is what I saw. I’m not sure that is cultural, genetic, learned or can be un-learned through behavioral or cognitive ‘therapy’ I think it’s the mortar of our soul, some have different souls, some seem to be able to live on the ‘froth of the daydream’ whilst others can ‘make the best of it’ and others ‘endure’ and others are sorrow laiden. I would say, it helps nobody who is ever depressed whether short or long term, to be condemned for it, so I always welcome different perspectives that don’t being with ‘if you just wanted to be happy you could make it so’

  8. Depression is very poorly understood. Many believe it is just a ‘thing’ you can choose to switch off, so what’s the big deal ? Get over it! Never that simple. I don’t know what the answer is – perhaps it’s as individual as the individual in its genesis.

  9. No doubt there is a knock on effect of both positive and negataive memories and experiences. Is it a learnt thing, a helplessness, a victim mentality, a Pavlovian conditioning reflex??? Is part of the answer having the ability to witness the negatives without personalising and internalising – rather as an observer would do – and then taking action in whatever way is viable and possible (experience, skills, ability, motivation….) to rectify / impact a means for change to the good…

  10. Oh very true. In some cases I agree it’s a victim mentality or learned helplessness, although sometimes when people are told this it is almost worse than anything because it implies they have some control or that they are faking it etc, I do think sometimes it can be a learned behavior that can be undone, maybe not with usual behavioral techniques but positive affirmation, and re-routing of subconscious thought processes. Is part of the answer having the ability to witness a negative without having to internalize it? Really good question! I like that! I thought about it for a bit, my own take on it for what it is worth is yes sometimes that would EXACTLY be the answer. In other scenarios, one cannot help but take on what ones sees and experiences because of the level of empathy and/or because they are not the sort of person who can witness without taking it onboard, as seen by differing response to say, anxiety and/or torture. I think a really good therapist has to do this. That is why I wasn’t (a good therapist) because I could not do that and I knew it so I got out before that came to something that let anyone down.

  11. How right you are. It is poorly understood, hence why there are so many false leads and worse, so much judgement. I truly believe most who commit suicide do so because of the judgement as much as the disease, which is really awful if you stop and think about it. I definitely agree, it’s individualistic there is no one answer fits all.

  12. Being able to be present, empathetic and objective is a skill set that is what I would call advanced practice – honed and learnt over a long time. It’s not something that is easy to do, not everyone can, or wants to, or can even maintain at all times.

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