Taking my time to die


I pretend you are there

when the world shows its cold belly

when loved ones become enemy

I reach for your solace in need

forgetful when happy, without equal reason

ill prepared for falling we climb as Icarus, nearer to sun

without parachutes too often startled into early grave

those who do not command their outcome

I believed you when you said I am safe within your arms

this world of ours inviolate

but they were just words

like this is just water mixed with blood and wine

spotting the clean sheets in which I lie

taking my time to die

now that I am alone

just one more soul who cannot

bear the taste of this world without



43 thoughts on “Taking my time to die

  1. SMiLes.. my friEnd.. Candy..
    the touch of two legs
    early in the morning..
    one older and furry
    one smooth
    and never
    No.. not
    sexual but soft
    touch that has no
    distance.. space or
    time.. the warm and
    fuzzy feeling of love that
    never ages that lives
    in old age
    ages when real..
    and perhaps the beyond
    saddest part of all is when that
    smooth leg of eternal youth touches
    the fur of middle age and the beast that
    was love became empty as a beast of numb
    and i had it all and i had it none.. as Love is
    essence and never
    form alone
    of a
    aged furry
    leg and a smooth
    one that never ages
    shaved close and loved
    as much smooth or peach
    fuzz too.. and when i go to the
    bar and hear the young men talk about
    women.. raised with only form of porn never finding
    heARt that warms a soul and heart and spirit in oldest
    age of
    soUL young..
    tHeRE IS A death
    thEre that may never be
    gained as liGht as LiFE that
    never ages as Love.. and sure.. as that
    Love potential left me in neurochemical
    and organic way for 66 long months without
    the human furry smooth feeling loving touch..
    i know where skyscrapers with labels and neon
    God’s come from.. they come from a Love that no longer
    exists.. i know where 10 Million dollar homes come from that
    seLL God as Love as making bigger bucks.. they come from a Love
    that no longer exists as free flesh and blood touch feely taste smell that
    no distance..
    no space.. no time..
    no age.. so.. Happy Valentine’s
    day.. my friend.. Candice.. the feathered
    Sleep with Hugs of Love that never age..:)

  2. So everyone here is commenting on the beauty of your writing. But I am now worried about the writer more than the writing. How are you? How is your heart? I want to know if I am reading only fiction, or if you are expressing your own grief and loneliness. Because I know how that feels, all of this, and I want you to know that you are not alone. I wish you solace, and courage, and hope today.

  3. I have known the emptiness of life.The unspoken word,as the clock chimes away and dawn appears once more to do battle with me. The stillness of time- and sheer volume of silence deafens me. A heart crushed and tossed to one side.The girl from Jupiter has reached out with love and warmth- by passing your writing and asking about you. It is beautiful to see another person do this. This is the gushing rivers of life- when someone else can dive into your experience- and swim with you back to the shores of safety. So easy to just shout-” it’s ok you can do it keep swimming” So often we send our responses across – and we don’t actually feel anything. I have been down the dark abyss of life- and at times I thought I would never ever make it out.. All I needed was communication- something we all lack in this now modern world we scramble around in.. We can find our self in a quagmire of despair and loneliness- and we wonder how we are expected to cope with life. I

  4. ……. I am thankful that you are alive period……..I ask my self though why I do write this blog…. I am unable at this moment give a clear answer. But I will say this for every one of us writing- its not pats on the backs w eneed, or to be told always how brilliant we are or not in some cases. We can read many blogs- and jus tchoose the one to respond to without to much effort. For me its about the person who is relating… I am going to read as many blogs as I can- and do my best to at least respond. I am not here for my own identity- I am here because I thought by writing – I could mee tsome fantastic people who care, think, love and reach out- AND I HAVE !!!! THANK YOU.

  5. “Ill prepared for falling” is beautiful here yet also describes each of us every day. I’ve never been prepared for my falls and doubt I ever will be! Thank you!

  6. Dearest one, I know that feeling very well and it is very hard – do not give up on yourself – know that you matter and others care – life can be awfully hard but you are worth a lot and never forget that. It is very hard to feel good emotions when you feel broken but I send you hope that you will – because you so deserve to. xo

  7. This is lovely Candice, and especially poignant for me today as I say farewell to someone very dear to me. Thank you.

  8. I have a hard time expressimg my enthusiasm for your work. You seemed to have been touched by the hidden hand. I cower in the face of such brilliance. I am looking forward to reading your new book, one day I will have the courage to ask you some questions about your work. I have read Jarring numerous times.

  9. Jasper, from you that’s a brand I want to keep searing in my eye. Thank you so much. Don’t cower though, there are so many who adore your work myself included recent arrival 😉 late but not too late. Always have courage, I have some but not much, we should stand together in our disinclination for norms. xo (thank you) (PS Jarring is old stuff mostly, the newest will be out in March email me your addy I’d be so glad to send you one to thank you)

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