Anything seems possible

image002.pngEating peanut butter always reminds me of the night a gay man tried to seduce me

the irony is I never ate peanut butter until I became American

nor did I have any gay male friends

they thought me too girly with my waist-length hair, frilly frocks and high socks

an object easier for ridicule, there are status levels of coolness I didn’t care about

because I didn’t fit in with their ideas just as they were not

societies chosen children

it seemed a shame two outcasts wouldn’t bridge the gap

but Rick did, he was he said, a Bear in the gay world

what does that mean? I wanted to know

it’s a kind of look he said

there are others, like geek, school boy, father

why must you have labels when society already forces them?

maybe that’s why we do, he said and looked sad

which was an unusual thing because he laughed all the time

you know what they say about comedians and how

they make others laugh because inside they hurt

and he was left handed-too like me

maybe he did resemble a bear


so when I sat on his lap in the bar and he whispered

the feel of you is driving me crazy

I gave him a double-look

those words can’t be coming from you

I thought I was safe on a queer man’s knee

you’re not safe on any man’s knee in this country he said

we’re no longer in France and it’s not du rigor

all men want sex, gay men may be gay but they still

sometimes take to bed the occasional woman

I hadn’t known that

the lesbian world was more rigid with thick rule books

and tightly closed legs

it was hard enough to sleep with another woman

lesbian-bed-death and all

but men? A few who couldn’t get pregnant with turkey-basters

fell in love with their male donors

but only on a full moon

and whilst I made no habit of sitting on men’s knees usually

the bar was heaving with sweating twenty year olds

and he was gay and I was gay and everyone should be gay and do a little dance

except I was sad and lonely and Rick complained that

men down the leather bar thought 30 was old so he feared

the day when he would be irrelevant and nobody would desire

his gentle paunch and diminishing hairline

I told him that day will never come you matter to me

and we both saw how we filled each others needs

better than someone of the same-sex ever could

which seemed a painful irony

I might have drunkenly slept with him if I didn’t

already know he’d been promiscuous

and I am a responsible child of the AIDS era and

not fond of navigating awkward mornings

he might have slept with me the way a lonely boy

finds a hole in any surface

to release the places he keeps hidden

then we wouldn’t have been friends

and that would have been the last time

I’d sat on a boys knee, queer or straight

so I wouldn’t have seen you on stage performing or

your ex girlfriend staring at you with open-mouth desire

when she was supposed to be courting me

that night I learned a little about people

I would have understood less from the back of the room

forgetting the advantages of the heterosexual girl

smoking a black cigarette and knocking back my gloom

for minority status isn’t all about being different

it can be the loneliest place in the world

and even dyed in the wool queers

have fantasies about knights, princes and castles

when the room is dark and oily

and anything seems possible


55 thoughts on “Anything seems possible

  1. A very eloquent way of saying that each individual is different, has desires that can fluctuate and change like a look or a fashion, a way of wearing our hair. We aren’t moulded into one shape or another, we are fluid like air and water, and no one has the right to say you are this and not the other. Lovely poem πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you dear one. It was one that was tongue in cheek of course, and I’m sure some will take it literally and be offended, but that’s the point, we are so easily offended and the truth behind the labels is there are no finites and many things are hilariously off kilter. Sometimes laughing at things like that helps me get through the rigor of this mad world! πŸ˜‰ Thank you so much for reading and saying you liked it. You know what that means to me. BTW I sent you the scans of that Baba Yaga book earlier via FB.


  2. I love your story. I do not believe in labels and I believe that people can fall in love with anyone, and be happy with anyone. This is my opinion. I personally just want to be loved and adored. Not mistreated or neglected with time, unfortunately this seems to be asking a lot for the people I have cared for. xoxoxo

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Right? Totally agree 100 percent. Love is love. People too busy categorizing and judging. This was part humor but part truth, even minorities mess their lives up by reliance upon labels. Thank you, very happy you liked this!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. OK Candace I resemble this on the flip side. I am known for having gaydar. A lesbian friend of miine local to me, I had many and they were between the two at times. Once, before the real story I had been with and was like never again. She would sweeten the pot calling me at all ours saying she picked up 4 blonds and they were doing daisy wheels and did not mind a man being there. Now back to my friend, she was molested as many friends of mine have been and she is not pretty but not a butch and she played softball on an openly gay but straight is OK softball team and she liked someone and wanted to use me to see if this woman was straight or gay. Well she had been with 3 men and 3 women and is 40. Not in love with any man nor did she dabble in certain physical acts but was in love with all three women and did everything and had two others she never got to. She pretended to be straight, then bi and then her family pressure, she has a lesbian sister, had her trying to conform and I still tell her that she is not bi or straight and she does not believe me.On an unusual night I was asked to sleep over with them for there first night. My friend who was molested had this mantra of never wishing to be with a man. She insisted us sleeping together, me on the end, her butt to me and her gf last. Prior she pressed me against a wall saying how she wanted me now with her gf in the bathroom. She made it very awkward as she kept grinding into me and her gf and I had to take a timeout.


  4. Who ever came up with this idea of labeling society? We are all different in our own ways…we are humans beings.

    My feeling is that labels are for canned food… I am what I am – and I know what I am. ~ Michael Stipe

    I don’t care what people call me, labels have the negative value of making smaller boundaries for people. ~ Michael Graves

    The answer is, who you are cannot be defined through thinking or mental labels or definitions, because it’s beyond that. It is the very sense of being, or presence, that is there when you become conscious of the present moment. In essence, you and what we call the present moment are, at the deepest level, one. ~ Eckhart Tolle

    What I really resent most about people sticking labels on you is that it cuts off all the other elements of what you are because it can only deal with black and white; the cartoon. ~ Siouxsie Sioux

    I don’t understand labels. I don’t need anybody to tell me I’m Latina or black or anything else. I’ve played characters that were written for Caucasian females, I just want to be given the same consideration as everybody else, and so far that has been happening. ~ Zoe Saldana

    Sis, another one of my favorite poems by you. Are you magnificent and your writing a power of hope.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Asmov you know how I agree with everything you have written here ten fold. Well said! It is so important that we do not confine a person. I expect this will change but in the meantime I suppose pointing out scenarios helps people understand why labels are ineffective.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah my new friend I am in utter agreement, ‘fucking labels’ as you say, they are surely the bane of our existence in so many ways, so much that we do not seem to be able to remove ourselves from them. I often muse the price we pay for trying to fit in and belong.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Ah …your experience in this poem brought to mind the lyrics from the Kinks “Girls will be boys and boys will be girls It’s a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for Lola …La-la-la-la Lola”…Be well my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Fuck, this is GREAT! I love your humour and your depth and your powers of analysis. I got too close to a gay man once, believing it was safe, of course it was…not realising, not knowing…we think we know so much sometimes…and we know fuck all…life likes to remind us sometimes.

    Liked by 1 person

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