Joanna
I never knew your last name
Benjamin wanted you more
than he ever wanted me
for your madeline face and framing water fall
of black hair
Joanna
as thin as if you only ate thought
your knees could not hold together you
came apart like a dearticulate doll
everyone felt so sorry for your ragged sorrow
though no one knew why
looking perpetually like you would cry
a Picasso blue girl of faraway gaze
Joanna
if I had not envied you the heart of a boy
who had bewitched my own, or felt your ability
to balance upside down on monkey bars
making you superior in the rules of horse chestnuts and marbles
I may have seen the threadbare grief in your eyes
how from the hollows came the cry
it is apparent now in a way a child refuses
blowing her rage with swollen cheeks
as if temper lost her place in a world of shut doors
why wasn’t I kinder to you?
why did I try to compete when all you wanted
was respite from the terror of being
Joanna
You capture it beautifully, the way children suffer in silence, faithful to their tormentor.
Oh, fabulous!
It’s funny how kids kind of ‘know’ things about other kids intuitively. Even if we aren’t always as nice as we could be because our compassion skills aren’t honed yet. But here you are, years later, still thinking about this child, feeling that compassion and caring so many years later. Let’s hope she feels it in some way and that she got some in her life, for who knows what made her suffer the way you describe. Only families know the terrors that go on within them…and the children carry the monsters around like weights. ❤
Powerful piece.
“why wasn’t I kinder to you?”…
I’m the queen of guilty conscience, so these things ‘haunt me’ thank you for appreciating my effort it means a lot beautiful girl
😊
VERY true. I believe kids have a very uncanny almost predatorial notion of other kids, it’s disturbing and can be both a good and bad thing! Intuitively as you say. Very true, compassion is honed, it’s not something you learn automatically and yes, I am the queen of thinking of things for a very long time! ha ha! I expect she grew up to be beautiful and talented, or at least I hope so. Yes so true, only families know the terrors that go on within them, and children carry monsters around like weights (i’m repeating your words because I agree and they are so beautiful like a poem!)
Thank you so much dearest Kunal! xo
I love that line ‘faithful to their tormentor’ – BRILLIANT! Use it!
I might if I were to write about child abuse. I’m squeamish about it. The same phrase could be applied to dogs too.
Love it.
Wow, no words Candice
Wow! Amazing as always!
So poignant
This is beautiful!
You are always so kind and sweet in your responses. Like a dear friend I’ve known forever. 😚
Dearest Joey, thank you so much!
When I reached the end of this I exhaled. I realized I’d been holding my breath.
‘as thin as if you only ate thought’
What a line! What writing! You stagger me.
This one tugs at my emotions in a powerfully beautiful way… there are times I wished I had been kinder as well. ღ
I think we all have those regrets of things left undone and unsaid, kindnesses not bestowed or offered, ungrateful or jealous thoughts sending daggers into others’ hearts and souls – children can be so cruel and yet so kind
Oh, very, VERY well done! You told an entire (heartbreaking) story with a few lines. You’re gonna get tired of me saying it but I felt it (the whole children and their emotions and terrors always kills me…I wonder why)
This lovely poem brought back to me all those petty childhood jealousies and shallow mis-judgements. I remembered Diane who I disliked because I suspected her hair may be ncer than mine, and she got more birthday cards than me… I dispised Bernard because he smelled of stale urine… I avoided Graham because everyone else did, and I didn’t want to be called names for talking to him… the list goes on.
Fortunately some of us live and learn.
So lovely to see you here again Jane, and I hope you are doing okay. I knew you would get this, I think we share that in common and I love your writing and the way you think. You are so right, we live and learn. (Or we should!). xo
She was French too! (WTF is it with us French girls?) !!!!
I love you my friend ALWAYS
Well said – so well said and true
I think we all feel that way but it says alot if we can think this years later, it means we did and do care
Ditto always ditto
I’ve missed your presence 🙂