Afraid of heights

boy-brunette-cigarette-cool-Favim.com-1321050I always wanted to visit New Hampshire

because of John Irving’s book & the film with Rob Lowe & Natasha Kinski

who

could not act

yet their chiseled attractiveness

stood in for them, a superficial filler

as often is the case

for some that is how

life’s entirety unfolds

they don’t really choose

going with the muslin crowd

falling into things like sharpened

pencils sit neatly on a desk

ready to be taken up & blunted

I never felt easy or molded to

others surges

when the crowd hastened to rise

I would take the other pew, sit a while

watching the admonishment of wood

bending over itself in prayer

where discarded moments

buoyed a sense of artificiality strung on a line

flung into frozen lake

as melancholy as any conjured mist

for it was my curse to be a romantic

& New Hampshire is just another place

where my dreams lay a while

purring against naped fancy

it is sometimes better not to seek them out

for they will never be quite as you imagined

life is no film or book

it is a long & windy road sometimes rendered ugly by

man’s fecund print

the only dream is found

in youth or its diminishing wings

when everything is a stage

& beauty elucidates our need

to believe

the hand of ancient love

helping each other dress stiffly by creaking radiator

four knees popping with affection

I want to retrace the mortar of what beseached

me to hold castles in the air & believe

one day I would witness magic

for if my hopes were less grand

more flat and ordinary

I may not have spent so long

gazing upward at empty rafters

thinking myself an acrobat

afraid of heights

 

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40 thoughts on “Afraid of heights

  1. Magic in your poetic words is cinematic.

    These lines hit home:

    “life is no film or book

    it is a long & windy road sometimes rendered ugly by

    man’s fecund print”

    Your right, no one should adapt or re-enact film or book
    because the reality of it all, we have control of life and life puts us humans at a struggle to which we strive and challenges us ahead.

    Man does cause harm to the world and planet in the name of business, war, and economically. Hope I didn’t read too much into that line but its what I interpret it.

    Welcome back sis! I missed you so much.

    P.S I know your busy, when you get a chance please respond back to my text. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Absolutely awed by “watching the admonishment of wood, bending over itself in prayer.” So beautiful and heart touching as is the rest of the piece. The concept of ” if my hopes were less grand” is a story in itself. Thank you for sharing your beautiful gifts!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. But I can’t help but wonder which is worse — to hold lofty expectations and fantasize, yet live in fear of attaining that ideal (or, perhaps, not fear, but the knowledge of its impossibility); or to carve out the flat, ordinary vision, and to obtain it, only to feel deadened by its lack of dimension and absence of color? I have lived the latter. I now live the former.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I found in my own personal life that I missed the dreams I envisioned because I was so focused on them that I missed the dreams that were being offered in perhaps another way or direction. And the embracing my disappointment when my expectations weren’t met, added even more to the sense of loss and betrayal. As always you express your feelings and those of others so incredibly well. Je t’aime, Natalie πŸ™‚ ❀

    Liked by 1 person

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