déjà vécu

793d6b43ec2993ccb696f4d407287ee3We stood in the early morning silence, two warm silhouettes

waiting is the hardest when goodbye comes afterward

my bag a leaden brick in my throat

I thought of all the times you let me down

trying to reject the pain with supplanted anger

I could only miss you more before I was gone

the sting taught me the truth of us

these ties binding us over time and water

they never did listen to reason or sense

age, advice or security

we collapsed at the same time, head first into a river

carried along unable to climb out and dry off

why is it so easy to shrug some people?

forget and move away propelled by current

and others

command the underwater tow

they cling even as we fight without knowing why

wrapping around us in familiarity

sooner felt than can be sensible

 

more than familiar, you and I

beginning before consciousness

forming pre-determining chain links

recollecting pathways as you would

your own nature

did you create me out of your mind?

am I your child? your chimera?

at times it seems I do not exist until you

open your eyes and bid me morning

you, safron firebird in sky whilst I

hold up my crooked elbows and inspect

where you join and where I end

unable to fathom epileptic from phenomena

some of us are born with internal scripts

already printed and stored in clay

some of us are born with destinies tattooed in

the crook of our arm

a map of sorts

to each other

whichever way we take

make sure it is the way toward prophecy

where in hypnagogic trance our memories

form prior to birth

is it real? is it illusion? A play on words?

all is subjective painted into our make

with fine horse hair brush

 

our hearts are not master

the brain distributes sensation with

seeming spontaneity but all is drawn before

held in the minds of gods planting forests

they chose us to find the other

before we knew to seek

coming from inside out

who existed first? you or me?

without you I simply ache and ever longing reach

you are my pulse

threading rhythmically beneath

recognizing two who are one

reconstructing fate

whatever happens

however far we are led in wrong directions

as stars lick magnetically

we always return

no matter consequence

to be apart, always worse

than anything humans can create

 

we began when the universe

exploding in one enormous sigh

split itself into infinitum

gauging space and time where

before only emptiness knew

to be alone

that is what it feels like to

go one day, one hour, without

your arm to reach for and remind myself

the luster of your fur

soft and thick beneath the world

carpets me safe

so long as you stay close

within a single

heartbeat

 

 

 

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55 thoughts on “déjà vécu

    1. Having just read your lovely piece this morning and felt like it reflected in me like still water … sigh – reminded me of On Golden Pond (as an aside, I visited the actual Golden Pond as well as Waldens Pond recently, really incredible to go to those actual places that we thought of so often in our minds).

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      1. 🙂 You know, one of the things I like best about the whole notion of Walden Pond is that Thoreau was practically living at home while he ‘contemplated’. He didn’t have to go into the wilds to feel close to nature; the pond was just around the corner and he could sleep in his own bed at night if he wanted, and eat with his family, meals cooked by his (probably long-suffering) wife.

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      2. EXACTLY! I truly think you’re right, it’s not this exodus of experience but something quite ordinary and every day that is made magnificent. That’s what I was saying earlier about some of your pastoral poems, you make out of the ordinary the best – that may seem dull but it’s the opposite it’s the ability to do that, as the Brontes did so well, that is the real heart of a good writer. Anyone can make something incredible seem incredible.

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    1. Now that I read it back I can see why, as it incoporates a lot of what we have talked about doesn’t it? I can see why you would relate to it as I do – and well I guess that’s not a good thing in some way but it’s a thing nevertheless!

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    1. You realize you are so precious to me? That you are always so supportive of my work is .. so very very appreciated and helps me to write, as at times I can be very self-defeating. Your encouragement is everything. Thank you SO much my friend.

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      1. Lucky are we, those few who find in unexpected places always, the little burning candles of mirth and hope that flicker and never go out, because they are made of good and dwell in the light, helping those of us less accustomed to it.

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    1. Wow what did I do to deserve this? You are so very kind and this is great timing, I was feeling SO down and then I read this. You are an angel my friend! Thank you dearly for lightening my day! I so appreciate you I hope I convey that as it is so true. You have a really, really good heart.

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      1. Candice, I am sorry to hear you are down! You have done nothing to deserve this but write really wonderful, thought provoking things!! So it’s all your fault 🙂
        I really hope your day has gotten better! And thank you for your sweet words. Take care of yourself ❤

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  1. Wow and wow again. What a magnificent piece of writing! To coin a phrase, it simply knocked the breath out me and I’m almost speechless. I simply have not adequate words to praise this piece of writing. Would that I had such a gift with words!!! Je t’aime, Natalie 🙂 ❤

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  2. I am still amazed that when anyone string words together. it can show such beauty. Only some of us have this gift – you certainly have this gift. The words you brought together brought the ideas together that before weren’t put into being until you wrote them down. It causes us to contemplate otherwise.

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    1. Tamara your words are so needed at this time I thank you for them. To believe this is true is really incredible and I had been quite down on myself so this means a great deal to me. Thank you. Wow. I am at a loss for words you just made me feel really, happy. I am glad to know you.

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    1. TOTALLY agree with you my friend. Having had some relationships break I had doubted this for a time, but then when I think of those I have known nearly all my life, who are still really close to me, I realize, some may, but many will not, they are meant to be. Thank you so much for reading this and your lovely words xo

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  3. As all of your work does, this left me speechless with a ache of understanding. I can’t really say which part of it I love the most…but I can say that this line:

    my bag a leaden brick in my throat

    Holds so much brilliance for me and I can’t describe in words how I love your mind and how it works. I can’t formulate a response affectionate enough for what I feel about you and your work. I love you, Lady. ❤

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