Thursday’s child

costume-cute-dinosaur-funny-girl-inspiration-Favim.com-48812They said Texas was more friendly than the East Coast

but she’d lived in New York and that wasn’t true

not for queers and people who didn’t attend church

the year she arrived they put up picket signs on every corner

marriage equals a man and a woman

with a red X marking the hate

obliteration of alternatives

a dirty word it was

not to be homogenous and touch your

four corners to the cross

the year she arrived they said

if you don’t like BBQ, if you don’t eat meat, if you don’t go to Dairy Queen

get the fuck out of our state

you wear too much black we’re certain

you prefer Satan

she became a shut-in who didn’t

believe in mythical devils but had

met a few who walked the earth in the flesh

not leaving the house an irony

for a Thursday’s child

who has far to go

 

You may ask – girl why did you stick around?

but we don’t all of us have the luxury

of choice

the saying

you made your bed / now lie in it

can often apply

so you suck all the oxygen out of the room

hold your breath

hoping they won’t notice you are still there

but they did

pinching and pulling

you’re far too thin

you’re far too white

you’re a spoil sport who doesn’t like to go on team building exercises

she began to drink in the afternoons

wanted to swear the way she used to do

in Europe

where every other word was an expletive

but swearing is crude in Texas

they like you to sweeten your words like your tea

and drink it ice-cold

 

It isn’t really their fault

if you move somewhere you’d better try

to fit in

even ghosts can see the purpose

in choosing where you haunt, wisely

it’s not enough to think you can carry on liking the same things

she cannot wear tights in Texas

even in December it’s too hot

you have to mow your lawn A LOT

though she would plant weeds and watch

them enclose her from disapproval

in time, she learned it’s a state of mind

sometimes when you stop realizing you don’t fit in

you just might

and if that doesn’t work there’s always

four walls and closed eyes

growing wild flowers in her mind

swearing a little less often

in time everything works differently

you look back and see

what was once strange

feels like home

 

 

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78 thoughts on “Thursday’s child

  1. I love this, C… You’ve brought up so many memories, wow. I’m Cajun, born and bred (adopted) the area I grew up and live in is an eclectic mix of cultures. Deep roots Catholicism. I moved to Dallas during the IT boom. Lived & worked in Addison/Dallas then Plano, about 7 years, give or take. I felt completely at home in a secular sense, not in a religious sense, make sense?. The people I met were from ALL walks of life. (I prob have a book in me about my time there) It was epic, silly word, but it’s the only word I can think of, epic. Most people who lived in Dallas were not from Texas. They were from some other state. I worked for a man from another country, even. I was like, “Where are all the Texans?” Then, I met someone from Plano. I moved to Plano and got to know people from that area. Garland, Richardson, different world completely. They felt like home because they were Catholic in a land of Protestants.

    “you’re a spoil sport who doesn’t
    like to go on team building exercises
    she began to drink in the afternoons
    wanted to swear the way she used to do
    in Europe
    where every other word was an expletive
    but swearing is crude in Texas
    they like you to sweeten your words like your tea
    and drink it ice-cold”

    I know this. You nailed it. You put into words what I learned in Texas.
    xoxo

  2. Ha ha, she saw beyond the sickness to the beauty beneath!
    You’re right about shyness. The world can’t be all loudmouths. 😛 Kidding! I can be pretty loud at times. 😁 Hope you enjoy your Saturday! 😘

  3. For example I have always been drawn to shy people over extrovert. Extrovert own the world, the shy are the ones who have more to say, they are the ones you wonder about. I’m not overly-shy, more socially-reticient 😉 but I relate to shyness deeply, as an honest response. I hope you have a good Easter weekend

  4. Thanks! I hope you do too. 😊
    I’m drawn to shyness too. Or quietness- something that points to depth underneath the surface.

  5. I didn’t used to be. I used to be drawn to obvious things. I realized it is the quiet person in the corner who really I should be talking to. So I get what you mean totally and share it.

  6. Ha ha, the quiet person in the corner is the only one I’d feel comfortable talking to. At least approaching.

  7. I used to be a bit of an attention seeker under the age of ten, now I avoid attention. I always admired the person who was self-sufficient that’s the greatest accomplishment. Plus shyness can be sexy. 😉

  8. I totally avoid attention (except on WP, I guess, lol). You should hear my inner thoughts at the gym. I have to convince myself no one is looking at me to feel comfortable. 😛 I agree with you that shyness can be sexy. It’s so much better than being a blabbermouth! 😄

  9. I can’t even go to a gym so you are one step ahead of me at least! I suppose that’s why people sometimes have perceived fetishes for say, Asian women, the idea being they are shy which maybe majoritively they are, but what a surprise that person has when they get to know them better, as they are fierce and strong. That’s the thing about shyness though, it doesn’t mean the person isn’t strong. I suppose you could compare it to Sub/Dom in that sense.

  10. Yeah, true. Shy doesn’t mean demure or soft or docile. I’m none of those things. Ok, well maybe soft, as in sensitive. 😄

  11. I’m not sure. I do think they at least somewhat go together. Shyness is a protection of sorts, because of anxiety. Sensitivity would increase that need to protect oneself and the anxiety felt in social situations. Empaths are usually introverts and while lots of introverts are not shy, probably more introverts are shy than extroverts. I am a shy introverted empath, lol. Best(?😐) of all worlds. 😛

  12. I suppose shyness is a protection (I hadn’t thought of it that way but what else could it serve?) so anxiety must therefore be somewhat present. Can you be shy without being anxious? Maybe soft-spoken, not out-going but maybe not ‘shy’ per say, although an introvert may not have anxiety it may be choice and proclivity makes them prefer their own re-charge over re-charging with others? A shy introverted empath no less? This doesn’t sound bad at all! I don’t know ‘what’ I am. I used to be an extrovert. I would say I was an introvert now, definitely, though maybe by circumstance and being jaded as much by choice or personality, I’m shy but at times I’m not shy (sort of like you said earlier of yourself) and an empath? I don’t know if I am. How can you tell? 😉

  13. Yeah, I think that’s a distinction some people don’t make. Introverted doesn’t mean shy because shyness is anxiety related. I know for me, it takes me a while to feel comfortable but once I am, or if I’m with a trusted group of friends, I am very outspoken, friendly, etc. Apparently, I have a rep for always having something to say. Especially about not often talked about topics. 😛 And extroverts can be shy too, though I wonder if it happens less often. Being an empath is not always easy, huh? I think when you feel so much from others, it’s easy to become jaded as you said.

  14. I don’t know if I care individually enough about people to be called an empath, hence my query as to whether I fit that. Not to say I do not care, but there is a difference between caring and not caring before you reach do not care. I would say I care less than many, because of my avoidance and distrust of many people, I am also guilty of not finding many social situations interesting and in that sense, I do not care to be around people doing small-talk. In the past I cared deeply about close friends but that’s something you sometimes grow out of because of experiences you have. Therefore when I think of empath I think of someone who deeply involves themselves and cares for others, this would not be accurate of me. I am more of an avoidant type who cares if say, someone falls and is the first to rush to their aid, but may not make the effort to be involved with people because it usually ends in a let-down. Wow I sound jaded! ha ha ha the truth can sound bad!

  15. Hmm, that’s interesting. I would say, if you are an empath, you don’t necessarily care. You maybe did care at one time, though that’s not necessarily true. I think the key would be how sensitive you are. Do you feel, or did you feel before, emotions from other people. Could you tell how someone was feeling just by being near them? And for me a big one is feeling like I’m right there and can feel everything in a news story or a book scene. I have to be so careful about what I expose myself to. It just stays with me.
    I can see being jaded and no longer caring if you’ve been hurt repeatedly by people. As a protection for yourself, you have to. But maybe you are still an empath…

  16. Thanks for this really interesting conversation by the way. Thinking about it more, I expect I am not an empath, shudder I guess that’s not good but there it is. I believe that I do not feel everything – I feel enough – for example if a lamb dies in the field I feel overwhelming pain but that doesn’t necessarily make me an empath. I would say I am less so because whilst I feel the pain of something happening I may not feel the pain of that person. I wouldn’t presume to know how they feel but I’m sure some people can ‘tap in’ I would say I cannot, although when I was a therapist I tried but it’s hard in a conventional staid role like that. Better to be open to what they are saying, a listener I guess. Yes I suppose a very sensitive person WOULD pick up on things more. I am sensitive in the sense of being easily wounded but not in the sense of knowing what someone else isn’t saying sometimes it depends. I’m hit and miss. An empath in training 😉

  17. Oh, but not everyone is an empath and that’s ok. You’re still a good person, still have empathy, still are kind. It’s all good. 😀 ❤

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