I am an addict

an addict who

never takes too much

nevertheless I am addicted

in ways that are unproven or run

thin white scars shiny and tight

like crossed legs try not to uncross

I am addicted to you

I am addicted to the feeling

of being high

it’s easy when you feel like you’re dying

to reach for a bottle, a pipe, a rolled paper, anything

to take away the crime

of hurting without cause

or so it appears

to the callous world who say

get a grip for fucks sake

you are pathetic

oh yes you feel you are

lying beneath them after swallowing too much

of their blow back

see, we’re two different species

the addict and the non addicted

the latter wake up and see

they are not nailed to a cross

their fingers are not blistered and torn

rent by iron and blood

stretching in the morning sun

going for a jog

balance over balance over balance

supple minds malleable bodies

for the addict who plunges

into abyss there is nothing powerful enough to resist


take a pin stab yourself

if it helps do it again

take a person cut your neck

if it helps do it again

take a lover, slice them in two

keep the half that won’t leave you

the addict only knows how to chase

the feeling of relief

blinded by the agony

of seeing

themselves without skin

39 thoughts on “Addict

  1. It’s easy to start running
    Much harder to stop
    I’ve been on both sides
    I think once you
    Begin to understand
    You are less of an addict
    And more of your person
    As Sheldon Always

  2. So much here to think about and meditate on. My addictions right now are controlled demons, constantly reminding me it would go ok. It would be different. I am older so I could handle it better. I know one thing to be true: demons lie and only live for my death before moving on. Thank you for taking us places we wouldn’t go without you.

  3. The craving, the need, yet having the awareness that it’s toxic to you, of addiction is overwhelming. And running from is much easier said, or wished for, than done. Beautifully descriptive, as always. 😊😊

  4. Ah addiction….so many things our brain longs for. Even that ‘jog’ can be the dragon. And we chase it till there is only one winner left standing…

  5. So true. I love the idea of ‘only one winner’ as I think that is what motivates so many. I’m glad to be ‘out’ of the race officially πŸ˜‰ (and metaphorically!) xo

  6. I thought you might only because many of your poems hint at this and I thought you might ‘get’ where I was coming from, really appreciate that, good to know I’m not seeing things πŸ˜‰

  7. Finding the vein, drawing back, watching the blood, stopping, waiting and looking. Anticipation. Soon the relief will come, just one push. Then the pain will stop… For a while.

  8. Nope, I’m with you. My mind is totally on board with this, my body hits a brick wall, though. So while my mind screams at me to have my fix, my body is frozen, hoping my drug will notice me anyway.

  9. Trying to formulate an intelligent response and I can’t find the words. Being an ex-addict myself all I can say is your poem speaks truth. Thank you for sharing Candice ღ

  10. I have never thought once that you were pathetic. You suffer, you are challenged, you fall down a well, and climb back up…then you fall down that damn well again…. Those damn wells..they really should put a fence around those fucking things…😜

    If you need a hand to pull you up a little or go down in the bucket and visit you while you sit ….then I’m your guy my friend…😁


  11. I’ve been there! Great poem. I absolutely love poetry.

    As a recovering addict (seven months clean and counting every day) this really strikes a chord with me.
    Through my five year long battle with opioid addiction, I learned so so so much about addiction, withdrawal, relapse, rehab, drugs themselves, strategies for staying sober… the list goes on. Anyways I decided to put my knowledge to use and so I started a weekly podcast called Addictions on iTunes and googleplay.
    I feature valuable insight for anyone effected by addiction check it out if you get a chance. My WordPress site will lead the way to your listening pleasure.

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