Mental Health Month #Day 7 “Rape”

Rape isn’t a subject people talk about very often. Sadly it’s a subject people joke about quite a bit.

The first time I heard a rape-joke I didn’t get it. It was too disgusting to ‘get’ and I am glad I didn’t. Everyone else did though and they all laughed. At the time I didn’t think how someone sitting there who had been raped would feel, but statistics tell us, that likelihood is quite high considering that 80 percent of rape goes unreported and even the reported numbers are staggering.

How a rape joke could hope to be funny, baffles me, but it maybe is more telling of our society as a whole, that we can laugh at true misfortune and tragedy. That’s not gallows humor, that’s just sick.

Rape is never funny. Rape is never something that doesn’t matter. Perhaps if we acted like it mattered more, those who were rape survivors would not be more subject to a plethora of mental illness.

That’s why rape is a subject this Mental Health Month. Because the link between rape and mental illness exists. Rape can among other things, be a cause or contributing cause or exacerbation of; PTSD, Anxiety, Eating Disorders, Depression, Phobias, Suicidality and Suicide, Cutting/Self-Harm and many other conditions.

We’ve talked in earlier posts about how that doesn’t diminish the very real and medical ‘illness’ of mental disorders, and just because an act pushes someone toward feeling a certain way, does not decrease the legitimacy of the illness part of any mental disease. Illness can and is caused by trauma, and there are few things more traumatic to a girl or woman (or boy or man) than rape.

Perhaps though there is one thing worse and that is not being believed, or the act of rape being diminished or ignored.

I hope most of you have watched The Hunting Ground, a documentary on Campus rapes here in America, but if you have not yet, and you have children, know college age kids, or people who work on campuses, it is compulsory viewing not to be missed.

Ultimately the numbers of rapes committed in any situation are underreported, under prosecuted, and not punished. Some judges do not believe a rapist should go to jail. It is often said ‘but he’s such a good boy and he has his entire life ahead of him’ and this stands as a perfectly reasonable explanation for not giving a rapist a harsher sentence.

The other big let-down as far as rape in the legal system goes, is that rape has a statute of limitations and thus, if five years pass and you do not report your rape you are not protected under the law anymore and cannot prosecute your rapist. This is not true for many other crimes including murder, and financial embezzlement. In other words, you can prosecute someone for stealing from you years later, but you cannot prosecute someone for raping you after a certain time period. Great message you’re giving the survivor!

In the interest of fairness, it should be pointed out this exists because the likelihood of having proof after five years is diminished and it is to protect those falsely accused many years later. But that relies upon a significant swath of false accusations and assumes that proof must exist to punish a rape rather than taking the word of the survivor. Therein lies the rub. It is a difficult subject to prosecute when it’s one person’s word against another and historically women have not been believed over men who were upstanding and respected in the community. So if you’re a prostitute and you are raped by a politician, don’t expect anyone to believe you.

Maybe we cannot do enough about this to change it entirely, but speeding up the rate of prosecution cases, ensuring all rape kits are tested (when so many lie untested due to lack of funding) ensuring the survivors are not ‘blamed’ during their legal ordeal, and educating everyone about the low figures of false reporting, may make some difference.

As with anything we can find examples of those who cried wolf, but that is literally true of anything human. It is singular to rape survivors that they are accused of ‘making it up’ as if everyone involved knows of 1000 x cases of liars who pretended they were raped for whatever gain. We should as we do with ‘innocent until proven guilty’ assume someone is likely to be telling the truth when they pluck up the courage and report being raped. If nothing else, something is wrong.

No more so than on campuses across America today, where so many young people are raped and do not report it knowing it will not go anywhere, or do report it and find those who raped them are not penalized sufficiently because they are a star football player. This inequality of punishment needs to be eliminated because what you are effectively saying is, you are not worth as much as the rapist or we do not believe your rape mattered enough to punish this person.

Sometimes I have heard people say ‘she’s too ugly to be raped she must be lying’ and awful things like that. I had one person told by a police officer that because she admitted she was gay, she had obviously chosen to ‘try the other side’ for the night when she was dragged along the street at night and raped by a stranger in an abandoned warehouse. Sure. She wanted it.

Seeing why people who survive rape, are at high risk for some kind of short-term mental illness or at high risk for exacerbating a pre-existing one, is obvious when you look at the details of what someone really goes through. The aftermath of rape is nearly always the worst part. We need to bring our ability to empathize and our compassion to the table and treat all rape cries seriously.

I have worked in two Rape Crisis Centers and the second one I worked in, only prosecuted a handful of cases via the authorities, due to the enormous back-log of DNA testing (rape kits) and the desire of the authorities to plea deal rather than prosecute. Let us not forget a plea deal is often a free pass for a rapist and his offense is often knocked down to a smaller crime that will not indicate to someone looking at his record, that he is a serial rapist. Typically those who rape do so again and again, so if we do not incarcerate them, reeducate them and rehabilitate them if possible they will go out and do it again.

Likewise those who are beyond our help are still let out onto the streets along with paedophiles whom they know will re-offend it’s just a matter of time. How does this happen? How can we justify this?

For those survivors who tell others that they were raped, it is on our shoulders to be as supportive and gentle as possible with someone who confides in us. So often rape is a subject of humor and fun making and there is literally, nothing funny about rape.SAAMP2017 (SM)7

National Sexual Abuse Hotline: 800-656-HOPE

How to respond to a survivor:


76 thoughts on “Mental Health Month #Day 7 “Rape”

  1. Awwww – yes all is good 😊 thank you
    Life has just been crazy busy which is not always so good.. leaves me no time to write😱
    But no complaints – it’s a good busy 💕

  2. Busy can be good but I hope you find time to write because you are VERY GOOD AT IT and should not neglect that creative outlet and talent (okay I’m selfish I want to read your stuff!!! ha ha!) lots of love beautiful soul xo

  3. Hello. Thank you. The school system teaches are girls to make sure a condom is used. But they don’t teach them that they have a right to say no or change their minds or defend themselves. Something wrong with that? Why are they not being taught all of their rights???

  4. I started my blog as a way to find my voice. From a mothers perspective as my daughter was sexually assualted 2x in a 13 month time span. Please if you get a chance read it. It gets into the thinking and emotional process of a parents guilt and shame of rape. And how it does impact the whole family. I just started a month ago. It’s been 3 years and I’m at a point where I age. So much anger.

  5. It is good you did this for your daughter, as many parents do more harm than good to their children when they find out they were raped, it shows you are trying and care, the anger is understandable, I find it strange if people were not angry.

  6. Exactly. It is misguided. Maybe it’s not ideal to hand out condoms to kids, but if we know they are having sex, better that than ignoring it. As far as sexual assault there is still the shame put on the girl as if she did something to deserve it.

  7. This is the kind of response I would write. So I feel you. And I give you an across the web hug. I feel more should be said about this obviously. There is a great book about it called Encylopedia of Rape it’s pretty expensive but you can get a cheaper copy second-hand on Amazon it was written by someone here on WP and is very good explaining so much of why our society is so awful about this subject and also the history of it. I think after reading that I felt it was so tied to mental health I had to write about it. On the one hand I am glad you read it and got something from it but on the other I would never wish anyone having to know these things. I wish you only good things going forward and a big hug and appreciation for your words

  8. Just read your account T. The courage of your truth and survival is both inspirational and testimony to the woman you are. That some peiple can treat others as chattel to get their needs met at any cost, the degregation of their inhuman behavior will always horrify me, i never want to stop being horrified. Ever. You wonder how boys that she can possess the evil for those acts? I am thankful for your survival, your courage and your voice. You are a beautiful spirit rebalancing the bad in this world.

  9. Thank you so much! I had horrible mental health problems instigated by the trauma I experienced. People do not understand that rape leaves you changed even on a fundamental brain chemistry level. It’s so hard to heal from alone and without treatment. Society must absolutely open up to us so we can get the treatment we need. Thank you for highlighting this connection. I look forward to exploring this issue myself on my own blog. 🙏🏾🙏🏽🙏🏼

  10. I’m so very sorry when anyone experiences anything on this spectrum of abuse. The fact that it is common place is horrifying to me, I will never stop being horrified and we must all of us, survivors and witnesses, speak out to stop this from becoming normalized and okay. Even today there are things that are neglected because some people do not believe this is an area worthy of funding and support. That staggers me. Everyone, all men, have some female in their family but so many just don’t care or believe women ask for it. LIkewise, those men who are abused, cannot find anyone to talk to about it and are shamed when they do. I totally agree with you about brain-changes and am glad you brought that up and that you are going to do that on your own blog. Bravo. I for one support you.

  11. Oh no, thank you because you CARE and you will make a difference and that will help so many others, so I totally respect you. If you ever want to collaborate on something let me know, I really believe in this subject matter above most others, because of the neglect it suffers xo

  12. I would love to collaborate! That would be amazing! It’s so wonderful the small community that’s building as we fight these issues. What would be the best way to chat?

  13. Such an insightful post! Rape is a subject that is far from a joke and should always be taken seriously. We live in a world where we’re exposed to more information and the effects of rape, yet the general rate of rape is only increasing. Like you said, the laws around rape are far from polished! It’s shocking to know that rape was defined as a crime only against females and that males couldn’t legally take action if they were victims of rape until only 15 years ago. I also love how you linked mental health with rape as so many people underestimate the post-trauma following such horrible experiences of abuse. Such experiences lead to so many permanent mental problems that people don’t realise and this is why victim blaming is such a problem- instead we need people to realise to not rape. Support and starting a discussion about the realities of rape has never been so important. If you can, I’d love for you to check out my page. I talk about the stigma surrounding male rape and empowering male victims as is it is a highly under discussed topic. Thank you for a great post!

Comments are closed.