tumblr_mfrhau9jIq1s0qvy5o1_500I’m afraid again

A queer feeling

As we trace our gloves on dusty balcony

You forget you’ve told me the story before

And repeat yourself

I watch

Feeling I am a mind reader

Mouthing well-known words

But for the ball in my mouth

I want to ask

Do you think it will bounce?

If you lay me down as your eyes say they want

If you have me now

Under this awning in the frigid cold

You’ll spoil my dress and your coat

And feel later it was not worth

The dry cleaning bill

You’re a man who suits the world of before

And doesn’t know his lines after

If you could squeeze until I choked

Without consequence

You would unflinching

I see this as I see stain in drafted light

As I feel you spear me like tendered filet mignon

Right through the middle

Your eyes roll like cut glass within red flesh

The devil peers out at the culmination

Spent and angry you hurry me to pull myself back on

Leading me by the funny bone in my plastic arm

Charge through the crowd to view the art show

Impatient though you caused our double crease

Like a thief without fingers weeps for what he has not pinched

Standing by the first mounted painting you pause

With the skin of you and the drink of me

Drying irresolutely

Then I see it

So fast, a flash and burn FURY

Hot house light splintering in storm

I know

For all the love, all the cabinets of delusion

It’s a farce I lay myself before, opening my mouth

Birthing cavities for empty souls

Adoring walking pain, stilettos of disregard

Stabbing with familiar falling shards

Self-harm wrought by masochistic ardor

To break my puzzle

Like coming home

A known bewitchment

Tearing apart sound

40 thoughts on “Masochism

  1. Mm nope we both just understand the irony of pain it is hurtful but Passionate at the same time

  2. I was masochistic Friday with no deviant intent, rather a message to be sent and received. The mark now defines me until it heals

  3. This was a real painful one some here is my experience with pain–
    Its a feeling that hurts but
    I still love to feel it
    Its phase thats hard but
    I don’t wanna forget it
    Its pain that make life worth living
    Its pain that make us respect it.

  4. This is profound and violently poetic. As always, I come into your company to bleed as I read….and never count the cost of the pain. You are magnificent, My Beauty. This is so very real. 💙

  5. With the focus on mental health this month, you have, in such a younique way, added to the conversation.
    Thank you for sharing your gifts and often times speaking for those who do not!

  6. Don’t worry…I don’t mind you having one. I just don’t want any guys hitting on you. or trying to play his game.

    Sorry, I get defensive. I was like this with my sister when I was little. I would try and protect her…even though, a lot of the guys back then would whistle at her. And I, would give them the middle finger. hahahaha!!! True story.

    That’s why I would feel protective of you. 🙂 See, that’s how much I love you sister. 🙂 ❤

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