Of needing

When the capture

is weakened

when neglect owns

no name

but like paint

faded by days 

needful of coat

then you listen closer

not to temptation 

and her guest

but the soft rummage 

of needing

notice my new dress

or the turn of my hands

as I clean and wash and pour

these invisible chores

chalked over by repetition

the line between your eyes

a quickened thunder

didn’t you buy more nutella?

this is not ironed through 

holding an outline of wrinkle 

oh so true

when love is new 

we inhabit scarcely

that fantastic vaunt 

slowly to fall

in little unmendable ways

like gathering wool

rubbed by barb

a trick of light

words shared like jewels in dark

oh the power you manifest

in one observation

worth all a stranger distorted

for it is not in the arms of replacement succor is found

but the sure tred through years holding our hems above us

strung in purposed knots, hand over hand, over hand

rubbed against stone til transparent

*I wrote this after hearing a few sad stories of people in unhappy relationships, and my wondering why they were unhappy together and why they couldn’t last and be happy together and how sad a world filled with people who no longer want to be together anymore is. I may be a dreamer but I’m not the only one who believes we hold the answer.*


40 thoughts on “Of needing

  1. Extraordinary piece of writing; and you are so right about love which perseveres the ennui of relationship . . . When we give up on each other we are ourselves the losers . . .

  2. Yes we do hold the answers. Relationships can become stale and that is where on of many examples start. Communication is largely how relationships last. Wants and desires change over time and if people are unable to articulate these wants and desires then the foundation of their relationship starts to crumble. No one said relationships were easy with bumps in the road unforeseen. You’ve delishly captured with words with what you were trying to say. Well done.

  3. I keep wondering why I couldn’t stay happy in relationships? It’s my perpetual question…and will I ever learn to be happy within one?

  4. Your ending comment reminded me of the John Lennon song, Imagine. Thank you for sharing your gifts with us!

  5. So many of us either don’t care or give up on learning to speak our partner’s love language. Sad but true.

  6. Brilliant writing as always, Candice. In my own experience it’s been those little unmendable ways, and growing in different directions that caused the thinning and breaking of those bonds needed to last a lifetime. Some of my old friends are coming up on their 50th anniversaries and I admire them. Very rare these days.

  7. I always find it helpful to remember that although I cannot control my partner, I have 100% control of what I put into our relationship. When I am feeling the need for more caring, more affirmation, more comfort I have found that if I am willing to give it, I often receive it in return.

  8. The problems arise when dreamers are in relationships with pragmatic people. The dreamers are forever dreaming they other half will finally understand. The prags are always demanding the dreamers wake up. I am the dreamer.

  9. Expectations!!! We put expectations on what we believe others should do or say if they truly care without thinking of the countless small joys and considerations. And we listen to voices other than those of our own heart. Truly we are living in a disposable society. It’s far easier to just discard someone than it is to traverse the difficult waters that are bound to flow into in and all relationships. ๐Ÿ™‚ โค

  10. You may not know but I really don’t appreciate nay-sayers who typically will contradict what you say just for the hell of it. But that said, I’m being a nay-sayer myself (BUSTED!) by respectfully disagreeing here. I think the problem is when we think it’s a difficult thing to understand. I do not think it’s difficult. I think we don’t try to understand. Our society thinks anything that isn’t ‘right there’ is difficult to understand. We should think more, speak less. In a relationship with two people who once loved one another, ALL the answers exist. The only impediment would be if they were not honest. I often think of how the world would be better (although a little scathing) if people were honest. I for one would find it hard as I don’t do well with criticism but in time we’d learn to cope, and everything would be better for it. BTW hope you enjoyed last nights first ep of GOT!

  11. We have expectations yes you are right, we think we know what constitutes caring from someone else and that’s often an expectation rather than a truism. It is up to us to appreciate what we find of that person such as you say, the countless small joys. We do listen to others instead of our gut instinct or heart. We are living in a disposable society I think that is EXACTLY why I wrote this because I want to believe it doesn’t have to be this way. I don’t live my life that way. I don’t think it’s inevitable. But it takes work and people don’t want to put in the work – they figure – if it doesn’t work I’ll throw it away. You are so right. I think we are united in this.

  12. Ah that’s a very interesting perspective and I had to think about it before replying. Very good idea. I would agree that this could be one common (though not the only) reason for relationship breakdowns. Typically men are the dreamers contrary to the idea women dream of romantic things I think men are far more dreamers than women en mass. Irrespective of gender though, you’re very right that pragmatics find dreamers a little irritating because they may appear unrealistic, whilst the dreamer hopes the other will inhabit the dream. I wonder then, why the two get together? Wouldn’t it make more sense for two pragmatics to be together? And two dreamers? Or is it opposites attract? A lot to think about. I like that thought and idea. I believe I’m half and half, definitely pragmatic but also prone to dreaming ๐Ÿ™‚ This is very like the MMPI in some ways – you should write about this more.

  13. Ah yes – it is such a shame when that happens although one could argue, if it matters enough you may stay the course, and try to mend. But it takes two who agree upon this, many times one may but not the other. Then what? I like the idea of ‘forever’ though it may seem untenable in today’s throw-away disposable society I hold on to it because anything less seems sad and pointless and that may be a little crude but I truly believe in the old notions of love even if they flounder in our disposable society

  14. So true. And that is – well I was about to say ‘wrong’ but it’s not so much wrong as sad and maybe not the only path. I mean why marry if you then say I can’t be bothered? I suppose it’s human nature but I adhere more to the notion of true love and lasting love even if we are a disposable society I think anything less has no value

  15. I admire you for questioning the reason. I think many do not question and it’s a lack of questioning that causes this – we must question we must find out and we must try. I know you well enough to know you DO try so I suspect maybe it had more to do with the other person also as it does take two.

  16. Peter, you realize as I admire you above and beyond the ordinary pail of writer and as a long-time favorite poet and writer on WP whom I slightly idolize, to receive a comment like this from you well – it blew my socks off. Wow. I dare say nothing other than just feel very, very lucky and blessed that you should think so of anything I write. Thank you so much. (And I agree, we give up on ourselves, we lose).

  17. Very well said and true. I try hard because it matters to me that people see we don’t have to accept living in a disposable society where love is really watered down. Maybe not everyone can find ‘the one’ and stay with them forever, but should we replace that with a series of short-lived convenient relationships? I for one don’t want to live in that world. I suppose maybe they should create an island for the incurable romantic monogamous ones maybe next to the isle of forgotten toys ๐Ÿ™‚

  18. Yes those islands I would be on lol Everything is so plastic nowadays that people have a better stressful relationship with their phones and computers than they have with people. I am all for you Island of hopeless romantics ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. I know exactly how you feel sis.

    Why don’t couples in relationships last forever and be together forever.
    Why do things have to end and no one is happy?

    It brings me to tears knowing this and feeling the same way you do.

    Heartfelt poem and so moving. Love you sis.

  20. I agree – for a lifetime is the ideal. My first husband and I married too young though, and we grew in different directions. It lasted 16 years but by then our differences couldn’t be hurdled. We both found new mates that have lasted 30+ years and counting. I guess some marriages are false starts. Especially when too young to know who we really are yet….

  21. Absolutely we are! It does take work and sacrifice for the greater good! I do think though that there are people who are willing to do this. I hope so anyway! I recently broke off a friendship and I hated having to do that but it had become abusive and self-centered on the other end. It was simply not healthy for me and so after trying really hard to make a go of it I called it quits. We had gotten to that point twice before and promises were made it would never happen again but I was a whipping post when things were not going well for this individual. Sad but necessary I think to bring it to an end. Je t’aime, NโŒโญ•๏ธ

  22. Heartbreak City. In a wilderness of heartbreak and a desert of despair is there really any answer apart from keeping on fighting, even if we know we are going to lose?

Comments are closed.