30 percent proof

Modern life makes you hysterical

if you are prone to hysteria that is …

I pealed after being sunburned, despite best SF50 attempt

and the internet proclaimed;

“you’re likely to develop melanoma, from repeat burns”

just like Jimmy Carter

except he’s got money to solve life’s woes and you

have only an inflatable canoe

which was bitten through by an angry boyfriend, with pierced ears and buck teeth

not easy to argue, in the middle of the sea

just off a Greek island, one impoverished Summer

he couldn’t stop googling the topless babes

and I

stung by every bee, insect and mosquito

resembled something of a Kraken

can’t blame the poor man really

but did he have to bite my canoe?

especially so far off shore, we had to

make-up pretty quick and swim for nearest rock

he made it and I did not

I burned some more and took longer swimming the circumfrance of the shore

where islands and caves, dotted in jeweled wonder

an epiphany stirred … I no longer needed a boyfriend who

encouraged me to drink too much Metaxa

watching him, watching the girls go by

why don’t I give it a try?

so looking rather dashing

with my red nose and salt bleached hair

I stole a mermaid from her cave and paddled

with a deflated canoe

to a island they call lesbos


we both pealed together

demurely sipping Ouzo

24 thoughts on “30 percent proof

  1. You are funny….you were drinking when you did this poem, weren’t ya? 🙂 Also did you mean ogling instead of googling in your poem line…just wondering….this was a fun and funny one to read by you… 🙂

  2. Good one, I had to laugh. So many of those shitty boyfriends over the years. I made the mistake and married one. We where together when my last nerve was stepped on. Time to file for divorce. I find out only weeks after papers filed he was cheating on me for the longest. The shitty young guys make terrible husbands until you come to senses.
    Have a great weekend.

  3. A Greek island, a beautiful woman and Metaxa, I’m taking the positives from this 😀A pity about the canoe biter. Lovely truth in here, as always 😘Thank you.

  4. Made me smile – the image of someone biting a canoe, especially. But also, even though this might be tongue in cheek, I read deeper layers here. But then that’s true of all your poems. There is always so much between the lines. 💕

  5. Quite funny love! This made me chuckle upon several occasions. I don’t know that I’ve ever read something humorous from you. As with all else though, you doing it very well. Je t’aime, N 🙂 ❤

  6. I loved this. Who needs shitty boyfriends who pay more attention to others than to us?
    Ok, mine does look at other women, but usually it’s so we can discuss their charms together 😉
    Plus, I’ve never felt more seen than when I’m with him. And I spent much more time with the ex than I do him. You’d think the ex would have had time!
    Ha! When love calls, no matter whether it’s in the form of a siren or a Greek hero… we should always listen!
    As for the ex… he not only bit my canoe but slashed it with scissors and fed it to the sharks.
    He swam to shore much faster than I did. Or did he? I found true love from another, and love for myself too. He is still looking to shine and show off. Oh well! His problem!! 😄

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