Last night


Last night, The Devil called

He said

I’m calling in my marker

You have the wrong stiff, I replied

I’ve been scared stiff too long

I calcified

Turned into crystal

Split apart under armadillo sun

Melted and became a resin lingua, beneath surface, hearing murmur

Of half forgotten plea 
Smoke me if you must

You’ve got the flame

Though displeased not to gain my soul, ponder this …

What you cannot snap in two

What resists

Will one day be called beautiful

And all that pain it took

Just to keep walking

When the sun burned you to clay and turned you finally to river mud

When the last ounce of yes I can

Si su puede

Became Holy Lord I cannot endure

When you felt yourself

Wilt like wax candle of the saints, in midday sun

From alive, to oil, to fire and back again to blood

When Demi-Devil’s mock human weakness

Whispering in your shellac ear
“Try your hand at Lady luck”
You know

As sure as the pain

Will come and sear that moment, right from you

A ripper of joy

Wielding guts by the garter

That no ideal lasts as long as your breath

Captured in entreaty
Oh Great Ones

Who stand, past and present

And know what we, of salinated water, shall never know

Lift us up from our pain

The fear gnashing blind over tattoo soul

Lift us up high enough, to see beyond the mountain of defeat

And like children from their deep sleep, we feel renewal

Fingers of comfort, rounding in caress

You see, evil has no hold, over courage

And still it is okay to say

I am scared, I am weak

When in our transformation we will become

Light

Extinguishing a little of the fear gripping the recess of survival

Refusing to drown 

Say it once

Say it every time

I am still

And the wind blows cool

On my wet face

I feel you near

I know I am not alone

I open the window and whisper

You can still

Hear

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25 thoughts on “Last night

  1. Candice, this is a poem of such amazing courage – I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve endured, what you’re still enduring. You continue to be in my thoughts….only wishing to be able to help in some way. Love to you ❤️❤️

  2. I always look for your presence in my Reader. Today I was rewarded with this. So good to see you appear. I bow in honour and respect to your resilience, courage, guts, fighting spirit. Much love my Fine Feathered Friend, R xxx

  3. You spit in that devil’s face again and again. You ae a child of the most high God and He as overcome the world. He is the light and the light shines on you and over you for prayers have been and are still being lifted up!!! The Lord NEVER lets go of His children. we may forsake Him but He will not let go of flesh of His flesh, bone of His bone, and the soul that is ours alone to sell out to the highest bidder should we choose to do so. You are a fighter; I’ve known that for a long time and it’s one of the things I love about you! Do not let what comes against you define you or take from you that which was gifted you by the Lord through the trials you have endured. Call on the name of Jesus, the Lord of all, and bind the evil one in His name. As dire as this is, it is brilliant and I see glimmers of hope and that indomitable spirit of yours still in the game and the fight. I love you, I adore you, I am here and I’m praying!!! 🙂 ❤

  4. I just looked up the illness you tagged, and it sounds so uncomfortable! Huge {{hug}} to you, if you are the one suffering, and positive vibes to speed you toward recovery. Nice to read your work again.

  5. I was blown away with the following lines:

    “You see, evil has no hold, over courage

    And still it is okay to say

    I am scared, I am weak

    When in our transformation we will become

    Light”

  6. I am not certain of the exact phrasing or poem, but to me… this reads a bit like the great and overpowering Sylvia Plath. Our physical mishaps can break us, you’re not allowing yours to do so. That’s strength that is indescribable:

    “You see, evil has no hold, over courage

    And still it is okay to say

    I am scared, I am weak

    When in our transformation we will become

    Light”

  7. Pouring out my deepest fears, pains and desires in my writing is definitely therapeutic. I pray that writing does the same for you. Somehow, although we’ve never spoke or met, the intensity felt from your writing introduces your soul to mine. Peace to you and thank you for sharing❤!

  8. Only a true poet, and courageous soul could convey such honesty & strength out of something so horrendous that feels like death. You are so much stronger than you know, and you help give me strength as well my friend .<3

  9. “Split apart under armadillo sun
    Melted and became a resin lingua, beneath surface, hearing murmur
    Of half forgotten plea
    Smoke me if you must
    You’ve got the flame”
    Those lines hit me pretty hard and I do not know why. Hope you are doing ok, it is been a while since we talked.

  10. Tonight I was blessed with your visit, and radiant smiles were given birth and my heart embraced your words in return. You are such a kindred spirit, as I see the same love, and grace which fertilizes my life each day to share, and praise Him, not asking for anything in return…because with Him we have all we need…now and in the life to come! Love your poetry my sister! God bless!

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