That part that burned to taste

Urged me to crumple up and set fire to rocket

Rushing in sky, a mauve glove of geese, maybe I’d die in pursuit

Or perhaps retain the heat of being young and urging on

Like galloping upon horse across darkened moor

Would permit youth to live evermore in witnessing starlight

I recall that impetious surge

To swallow up the entire sky

Opening my lusty mouth wide 

Consume all I could shove inside

Learning, love, adventure, dream, pain

Extinquish hesitate

Now it seems

Such a different version of me

I am no more the linx who came out in ebony hour

Thirsting for touch and feel, experiences mixed in bags of sticky fingered treats

To exist purely in a waking sleep

Smoking the reefer of self deceit, shifting always with instinctual unease

In whose arms, I longed to go, with my whole

And yet ever as if I were just passing through

Never laying down long enough to know

What struck real metal, versus weak afterglow

It was

The life we may choose to dreamily walk through

Until some bell or shackle

Maybe a curse, maybe worse

Or a loosening of something always within us, waiting to be witnessed

Halts the hedonistic child clutching her fat purse

Of fanciful, unraveled, egotism colored outbursts

Shakes her quite loose of her self satisfied joints

All the sweetness, all the spice

She is only this girl because she’s yet to find

There is so much more in the soft slowing of the mind

And when you see in an old woman’s eye

The girl she once was, held steady against her rounding shine

It is with joy you embrace the whole

Her fulcrum, glowing luminous along with moon

11 thoughts on “Fulcrum

  1. That was fantastic! Thank you!
    “Smoking the reefer of self-deceit, shifting always with instinctual unease” That is a very visual… After reading this a few times, sympathizing with the addiction to it all…

  2. Such amazing images again, Candice. It all resonates with me. It’s hard to pinpoint that moment when we start looking back retrospectively only to discover the woman we’ve grown in to was there all along. It’s maybe a sort of self-fulfillment where we become greater than the sum of our parts? 💖

  3. How have you found this in you. I wondered when, where you might see it … I suppose it comes in its own time. I feel you have steadied on the path … be well, and be whole my friend !

  4. Thank you dear P. I did so when I got very sick in August, it’s been a battle since, not threatening life but threatening more or less everything else including sanity, and security! I had to realize that if you seek to control you lose because nothing is controlable except how we respond to it. I was catastrophizing ahead of catastrophy. Anyway I’m still learning, some days I do a pretty good job, others not so much. I do wish I had not been dealt such a challenging lesson but what other kind is there? I am trying to get better each and every day and I have a new friend – hope and positive thinking. It actually suits me 🙂

  5. Candice – I’ve always known it was there in you, you possess more than intellect, that is wisdom and courage, and to pierce the veil takes all three. I found this quote from another young woman I admire; “Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tunes without the words and never stops at all.” – Emily Dickinson. Yes, your new found friend suits you well!

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