Empty space


Will I go back in time? 

Wet stockings, drying like chapped hands on weazy radiator

Your disapprobation, her disinterest, parents who

Took poorly to the role

And I, their disappointment

Not strictly failure

More a damp root, a smell of mold

Reminding them of empty spaces within themselves

I lay, hot brow, empty handed, slack mouthed, dearticulated by illness

Briefly relieved to be cut loose

And years passed overhead without sound

Tiny dancers on the globe turning time

Until they could not be certain, of ever having had

A child

Nor was I sure, I had been born

Such is the potency of separation

We can remove ourselves to point of extinction

And now I may return, the Archer retracing steps

With fine lines and trembling notion, mangled by distance

They cast every doubt in nets of resentment

No doubt it was a relief not to attempt a role

Illsuited to 

People without need

We forget

Going home is often empty

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27 thoughts on “Empty space

  1. I have learned not to travel to or linger in places where I am not wanted–doesn’t matter where, doesn’t matter with whom. I know you know of what I am saying…

    “I lay, hot brow, empty handed, slack mouthed, dearticulated by illness

    Briefly relieved to be cut loose

    And years passed overhead without sound

    Tiny dancers on the globe turning time

    Until they could not be certain, of ever having had

    A child

    Nor was I sure, I had been born

    Such is the potency of separation”

    We, in time, learn to venture to where we are wanted, where those greeting us are excited to see us and not indifferent or acting out of obligation upon our presence.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh how right you are. I used to be one of those shameless children who hurled themselves at others for the comfort of it, even if it was patently obvious they weren’t interested. I was definitely desperate. I am not that person anymore, I like you, do not go where I am not wanted, but there is always the reminder of those provoked emotions. I really liked your thoughts on this. xo Thank you

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Indeed. I learned from being so sick since August and I suppose what doesn’t kill you, does make you stronger, that’s the direction I’m going, of strength, and overcoming. I suppose this is my way of working through what was provoked by the experience. Thank you dear one. I miss you. Sorry for not being properly in touch of late, been battling but I do truly believe I’ll overcome. If you email me pls send to candicelouisa@rocketmail.com as I don’t check the gmail one. Happy Xmas lovely friend. Mighty sends her love as does Joey.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. You are often in my thoughts and prayers. I am sooo happy to know that you are recovering. To see that has been enough –
        for now πŸ™‚ Writing is such a powerful therapeutic tool. Your experience and learning shines through your words. I think I sent you an email on the old address when I got your beautiful card. Don’t worry about hunting for it. It was just a THANK YOU! Will write again very soon. Hugs to all of you xxxx

        Like

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