Another day more

Had you asked me

To embrace the idea of dying, before allotted time

I’d have said, no savage emotion, ever led me that far

It was as if

I skated every so often, on thin ice of sadness

Without being absorbed, to its fathomless hollow

In that singular experience, I was far luckier

Than those who see only darkness

I had claimed my own piece of light

From a family legacy hell bent on repeating, the same shrouded walk.

From the start I altered trajectory, a mix of stubbornness and fear

For some will be proud of where they came, their strong willed ancestral history

And others … wish it wasn’t so … spend their lives trying to be anything else

I tried so hard, skin chaffed from my fingers, plucking my own way.

So you can imagine the depth of grief, felt reaching that same temporal state

Of wishing to ease the stir of life, by death’s permanent wick.

Often it is not the same course

Brings you to a well travelled place

But the last thing you’d expect

A sudden illness, like a thimble that lets in needle

As sharply she infiltrates your well being

Until hollow cheeked you are wretched, begging for end

On that day it so happened

The sky was the kind of blue dreams are made of

Emptied leaves reached up to embrace the rays

Newly returned birds called full throated to the world

And sitting with a desire to die, and place pain forever gone

I felt the sun on my face, heard the russle of last year’s leaves

My fatigue whispered, do it now!

And I did not listen

Because I truly wanted

To stay sitting in the sun

Another day more

27 thoughts on “Another day more

  1. I try 🙂 That’s all we can do isn’t it? Today I think the darkness won – but maybe there will be other sunshine days to attempt. Thank you for your support and friendship is means a great deal to me.

  2. So many have been in that place at least once in their lives and then the Lord sends something or someone across our path the change it all. I’m so glad you decided to stayl 🙂 ❤

  3. So eloquent and beautiful. To find the little joys in life in spite of illness and suffering – that’s what makes us even more alive. It sounds counter-intuitive but life actually becomes richer, deeper. I can relate, and now live for those days in the sun, for trees, flowers and birds. Life becomes more precious. Sending you love and hugs, Candice. ❤️❤️

  4. Candice Louisa,
    This one was like grabbing the last page of a letter to a secret lover.
    Shared thoughts on hidden things not discussed with anyone else.
    More sadness, though.
    So, yes, stay in the sun.
    Please don’t go anywhere but here.

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