Those fierce moments in between

The day will come


when you fall and feel you cannot get up

and when that day comes and feels like it’s won

you will pull yourself

inch by inch, of broken spine

cry by cry, scream by scream

until you stand


and when that day comes

you will think on this and know

belief is half the battle

faith the other part

there is no room for query or supposition

let not the terrors a place at the table

the pure hearted know

healing comes from the soul

I tell myself this

at 4am over the toilet bowl

exhausted before I have woken

I tell myself this

when panic grips my chest like a thunder bolt

and whispers in my ear, it’s been six months

I tell myself this

when the person I was, is not the person I have become

but a whisper of what was


we have a choice in our fight

to take it, to face it, or to back down

and though I wanted to give up, though I tried to let go

I’m still carrying the smallest candle of hope

it is in the stains of your disaffection

the hideous recollection of your breakage

when you see through the ugliness that doesn’t quit

and pain needling you like it learned to knit

those fierce moments in between

they are yours

and the day will come

full and bright and brilliant

when you shall, reclaim yourself


27 thoughts on “Those fierce moments in between

  1. When we are at our most fearful, we forget how we’ve survived plenty of things before. We lack the knowing of how much we can take until we’re pushed to the brink and we end up showing ourselves strong and getting through. This poem seems like an expression of the above. It’s heavy with honesty, pain, and sticking it out just because.

    “Every day, a new beginning”. I’m wishing you relief, peace, calm, and total healing.

  2. β€œI’m still carrying the smallest candle of hope” β€”-this line really spoke to me. As I tried to explain the depths of my depression to my dad today, he didn’t understand how I could want to die but also see bits of a future. That little bit of hope that I have been given by hearing, β€œthings will get better” over and over keeps that candle burning.

  3. I have had so many of those days I thought I could not stand and I have literally crawled along the floor one day to answer the door in my underwear (honest truth.) But we hold on and through and keep doing the work and then surrender sometimes to waves we fear will drown us but then end up washing us up in a new place on a new day perhaps clearer in some way. ❀ ❀

  4. I want all this to be behind you ….loooooooooooong way down in the rear view of your life. I want to be place where you won through the gauntlet. jumped through the flames…. crawled bleeding out of the holes and filled it never to return.
    The fight is everything…the trials are everything in life but six months is enough for you… I want you content…. stronger for the trials …a smile on your face with a new appreciation of the wind on your face on a blustery … I want you whole PLUS more my dear sis… I feel for you and can do nothing but drip words your way… I’m sorry for your pain… I love you dear…

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