Anger

The therapist

she doesn’t look her age, though it wouldn’t matter

she is wise in years and that’s what counts

her skin reminds me of a Swiss lady I knew, she has the color of travel

and I trust her which is all that is needed

she asks me, why I don’t get angry

I think about where my anger has gone

after all I was an angry child

only the other day a friend’s parent reminded me

‘you were a naughty little girl, but I know it was because you were mad’

it feels like she’s talking about someone else

because I have lost my ire

that’s not a good feeling

if I had it back, I imagine

I’d rage through the streets, decrying the bad deeds of an indifferent world

but I sit quietly reading a book and the clock is ticking down the hours I am not

angry

for anger …

can be a severance, a sword, a spike

and we know that

so we tuck it, tightly to sleep

there it lays, sometimes for decades

burning a hole in our placid smile

I know someone who is angry, and they

are a short rocket full of sparks, able to go off at slightest provocation

whilst I, am measured and sensible, like a bad calculation

it gets me nowhere

because I am hurt

deeply by the injustice of little and great things

whoever told me not to be angry, that I didn’t have a right, that it was selfish or

low-brow or just plain bad manners and SHAMEFUL

isn’t here now

and I am, stuck on the wheel of sickness where they like to say

‘isn’t she calm and well adjusted to her own personal brand of hell?’

I thought strength was not letting anger get the upper hand

but i’ve been in a war without any weapons

sometimes anger is better than turning inward or, staying still

it fuels the urge to live

it leaves bruises you remember

I am angry

behind this painted mask and ironed clothes

I am a raging angry woman, with still unbrushed parts

who wants to throw the phone when it rings, out of the window, deliberately breaking glass

I am fury and it is a desire of mine

to scream until my throat is sore and beseech the skies

I am quivering with rage and if I could, I would, throttle the fates

for there is anger inside and though it is buried deep

it has a voice and that voice says

why me? why me?

(Not meant self pityingly, rather, a hard truth.)

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66 thoughts on “Anger

  1. I’ve found that anger can be transmuted into compassion for ourselves and others, simply by leaning into it and trying to view it from a cosmic perspective. Not always easy in the heat of the moment, but better than denial. I have to meditate daily in order to forgive myself for past mistakes. But that’s a different kind of anger…. This is a huge subject – one could write a book. (And then there’s the kind of anger at conditions of others, society, politics, etc. I’ve not been able to quell my anger against the current administration, and injustice and cruelty. Augh! Off my soapbox. Forgive my digression. 😤

  2. So much of this piece speaks to me. I especially connected with these words, “i’ve been in a war without any weapons, sometimes anger is better than turning inward or, staying still”
    Anger directed toward oneself can destroy you and it can feel like a war that is impossible to win.
    I enjoyed reading all of the comments that others shared about their experiences of anger.
    I love that poetry has the power to open up a new conversation between people. Your poem provided a powerful way for all of us to connect here. Thank you.

  3. I saw that my Mum just had to bury a lot of her anger at her own mother who struggled a lot, so Mum forgave but sadly the anxiety came out with us in all kinds of ways and we absorbed its. And yes, like you I get angry over injustice in the lives of others. Its okay to feel it but when it burns and burns inside of us I have a feeling its not good for our health. ❤

  4. And you had me hooked by the fourth line

    “her skin reminds me of a Swiss lady I knew, she has the color of travel” – priceless.

    “burning a hole in our placid smile”

    well penned. i feel the anger pushing from behind this write. good piece.

  5. I agree when it burns inside of us it is very detrimental. I think I was describing a ‘right’ to anger at say, an illness, more than say, being angry all the time. I think we’ve both seen the downside to people who are angry all the time haven’t we?

  6. Thank you so much. I tried here and I’m really glad you found something in these words. I appreciate you reading me. Thank you again – I think we all can benefit from talking about anger xo

  7. Yes… its such a fine line. I think if they could actually acknowledge the source instead of dumping it or acting it out all over the place it wouldnt be as problematic. For a child constantly subjected to it, its hard not to personalise or take on board.

  8. Great work. I find it very close to me since am the same person who lost the emotion of anger while trying to fit in this so called life, i used to be the exact opposite in my childhood. thanks for the poetry.

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