Herself

She is, dismissed by men her age who

Gaze hungrily at girls their daughter’s age like

Wolves without pelts, urging toward light

Perhaps they think youth will keep them steady, as age creeps into their veins

But their heads, empty yet, of the carousel of experience

Her soft skin does not reflect the many places she will inhabit

A wisdom in her eyes will more than compensate for any lines

As they draw together in laughter and back again with the sketch of time

She may

Lament her losses but surely not regret the gain

Of a certain suppleness of mind

Hers will one day be, the confidence found over fifty winter’s more

She draws you in with her knowing, like familiar shore

It would be her bursting chest of pressed flowers, against my own, making greater indent of memory

Not a fledgling bird nor snared fox but the beauty of a falcon, gazing into distance

Her love would be measured then blown about the room in spirit form

To chase my wonder of her self possession

She stands in a gown looking out and I see

A bead of sweat we made, caught on her neck like a pearl

Even as I touch her she is untouchable, for her strength

Was forged in deep water and honed over the years like a well turned bell

Can be clearly heard, ringing us towards her

Back still straight and the scars of her living like jewels

She has brought life, she has survived beyond herself and the low imprint of convention

Free of such empty things she is now a lover released from expectation

To be at last

Herself

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71 thoughts on “Herself

  1. My dear friend I’m so sorry to hear about your illness. I’ve also been struggling with health recently so I completely sympathize with you. I dropped the ball on us getting together as well. I’ve started to see a specialist in Austin so I’ll be down that way more often, and San Antonio isn’t much further a drive! I will email you when I’m coming, the beginning of May I think is my next appointment. We must get together and eat, drink and talk shop!! Get better, all of my strength and live to you

  2. All of your children are lovely, it comes as no surprise, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Don’t forget to watch Britannia, I’m getting into it, I really like the main character who is the outcast druid and the main girl (the redhead) they’re so good.

  3. I am definitely going to get back to it! I had some ideas that maybe the young girl is Boudica? I don’t know…I think I need to do some historical research to uncover that point. Yes, I like the outcast druid too!

  4. Oh I wondered that. I don’t know if I ever asked you if you saw Boudica with Alex Kingston? I think you did? If not you must but I expect you would not have missed that. I hope it IS her because much as her story is sad it’s so powerful and I couldn’t think of how else she would gain her powers … damn Romans!

  5. Oh can you write me and let me know what has been going on for you? I’m so sorry. Please do write me if you possibly can. Maye I can help? Austin isn’t far at all. I know Houston and Austin have some good doctors for sure. I hope to hear from you before then just to give me a heads-up on what’s been going on for you? xo (candicelouisa@rocketmail.com)

  6. Aaaaah. Yes. As my grays start to take over more territory, I debate if I’ll let them. And at the same time, I want to fiercely and proudly embrace my age, which is still on the young side, ahem. But, I see the changes. This speaks to me.

  7. Candice – Miss you as well, and wonder at your health and well being. You have a special talent, to me, it’s a soul thing, a light you have carried through time and space. Remember we are not heading for eternity, we are living in eternity and we are eternity. I apologize for so little writing of late, my new job is starting to smooth out but it is far more absorbing than I expected. I have many new thoughts to share and at times long to write. Be well and be whole my friend, it is your destiny to heal and heal others …

  8. I’m very glad and proud of you for your new job, so I wish you only good things on that front. Yes I do miss your writing and your knowledge and wisdom, you were always my soothsayer in matters beyond me and beside me. I find a great deal of inspiration in you. I am glad you are well though and that maybe this is a better year for you. I do hope you will stay in touch when you can and meanwhile please know I think of you often and care. My health is gradually improving. I am convinced things happen for a reason, and this is my path to find the reason for this suffering and hopefully put it to good use for the sake of others and myself. You are so right about carrying things through time and space, I am reminded of a favorite conversation we had about that, you inspire me so much my friend I hope you will always stick around to do that, as I know I’m not the only one who cherishes your mind.

  9. “Back still straight and the scars of her living like jewels

    She has brought life, she has survived beyond herself and the low imprint of convention

    Free of such empty things she is now a lover released from expectation

    To be at last

    Herself”

    SIGH!
    Yes, thank you!

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