At fifteen a lewd boy, only 5’5 asked;
Will you pose for me with your legs spread?
She hadn’t shaved in three days, the stubble rubbed the backs of her calf where she pressed against enamel bath
A maelstrom in her eyes instead of pupils
He said; good, good, excellent, just like that … ba-aby
Now … Open them
And she remembered the first time she unfurled
Like those Chinese paper flowers that grow in water
A warm rose bud disturbed by prying fingers
She recalled the way unwanted thumb pealed her exposed
A fruit chewed on before ripening
The sting afterwards
Like she’d dried out all her moisture and hung like a salted fish to be slapped and dismissed
If she gave this boy, with sweat on his lip instead of hair, his hand down his pants yanking something terrible, a rolling storm, tattooing bruised landscape
His way would become her path
What would be next?
Can you scissor yourself over my friend and lower down like a stray bullet?
We’ll make money and you’ll have value
I’ll take care of you, afterward you can pretend it didn’t happen
We’ll smoke away the taste and I’ll move inside you until you release
It’s easier to prostitute yourself when nobody has your back and you didn’t learn how
To save yourself, to feel your worth
The sabotage within, so achingly familiar
If I do it’ll be like every other time I ruined myself over nothing, you say
Feeling deserving of the pain, shame is a funny fellow, makes you quite attached
When you’re adrift and running on empty
Who knew how easy it was to ruin a child?
Set in place, steps of greater sabotage
She could feel their sticky fingers on her thighs
The voices murmuring, it’s what you deserve
Sickness in a learned desire to be debased
On her knees being ridden like a horse, the riders
Grabbing her innocence, one handful of hair at a time
Til she was all used up and another empty set of eyes
Waiting for the next fix
She saw herself at thirty, dying in an empty room
And the boy who encouraged her now, high on himself and the vigor of youth
Didn’t know how easy it would be for her to tumble down the rabbit hole, he only thought of
Getting his cock sucked and how he could brag if she’d pose for his fantasies
She wasn’t his, she didn’t want to be the next hole, willingly bent over
She wasn’t a plastic doll or his fist, she didn’t exist for him to spank himself off
Her image was sacrosanct, her body inviolate
Her legs weren’t going to open and be his willing whore
Just because she felt empty inside and his thin flattery pretended to assuage, all the pain and losses
That wasn’t her path
He didn’t get to see her center or hold her up for inspection
The fine line between loss and lost is not so fine
She stood up for herself for the first time and learned
What we do, matters, impacts us, stays like a cancer
Life already hard, she needed all the breaks she could get
It began with leaving and not looking back
At the boy holding a camera in one hand
77 thoughts on “One hand”
Right? And the best thing about you is YOU and the best thing about you is YOU and the best thing about you is YOU never ever forget that
I love it when you say sordid, I giggle ridiculously. With that and your pony photos well, I’m a gonner.
I love your wisdom my friend. You always inspire me with the perspectives you have on life. You are truly the insight I long for in this world and you inspire me with your journey. Thank you.
Yes so true, at least she did that! xo (thank you dear one)
You totally flatter me and I was chuffed and grinning from ear to ear to get a re-blog from you my lovely and VERY talented beautiful friend
Thank you so very, very much!
You’re one of the only friends I have who calls me Candy it makes me feel we knew each other in another life, I love that. Thank you xo
I am so very lucky then and grateful to you dearest Bill
I adore you
Thank you so very much I really appreciate you reading this and your response. I am sure as you are aware of this, you will do all you can to prevent it and that is all we can do, the rest is up to your children who if you teach them right often can avoid such pitfalls I pray that be so for the sake of all girls going forward, knowing that if they are damaged it makes it harder but not impossible. Thank you so much again for your lovely words
Thank you dearest Christy, I always get so flattered when you read my work – I really appreciate you taking time to respond. Thank you my friend
You keep great company and you ARE great company
Thank you – means so much when you like something of mine really does xo
I’m going to write a poem called the husbands stitch after thinking about this a bit …
All we can do is our best. We can hope that they make good decisions but in the end the decisions are theirs. ❤️
Exactly right. I pray that they make good decisions. It is not impossible but just challenging with so many bad things out there, but truly I believe in the power of even the very young to know how to save themselves. Doing your best is more than many do, and I know it will set them on the right road. xo
Lovely reply, Candy. I really like giving you a giggle
As I’ve said before, I’m no expert, don’t know what’s good or bad, but I do know when I like something 🙂
I can imagine it’s right up your alley…so to speak.
I saw that interview, and yes, I always enjoyed her as an actress, and I imagine she has been a role model for so many, yet we understand there is a confirmation bias, when a world that made he who she is and what she has is challenged, it would be rare for one to speak out against it. The old world is breaking down, there is a new generation, not of people, but of souls who are coming through, to live through the breakdown of all the insanity, and rebuild the world. I want to see a world like the Eloi in HG Wells Time Machine, but of course without the Morlocks! They are already hear and they already are eating the Eloi, not our flesh, but our vitality – Don’t get me started on vampires!
OMG! I am humbled by your words. Thank you so much.
I missed you too!! I hope you are feeling better? Sending hugs and love your way, my beautiful friend. xoxoxo
I am. It is still hard and a long road, but I think I will recover completely. The hardest part being the psychological scars of being sick so long and the horror of that. Thank you so much for asking and caring. I am so glad to ‘see’ you here and hope you are doing well my friend xo BIG HUG
Oh wow…this is potent! I felt my stomach tighten as I read. So powerfully expressed. You are fabulous!
Thank you so very much 💓
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