This is a real world as it is an unreal world

I was going through the list of who I am following on WordPress with a view of clearing out people who had stopped writing on their blog. It’s sad. All the good intentions we have, all the excellent names for blogs, the ideas, the effort, where do they go?

Interestingly; I noticed that many of the people who had depression and/or feminism in their title line were no longer writing. I wondered, is that a coincidence or do things that matter but are not popular (depression/feminism) die out?

Whilst I admire those who continue a blog for years, writing faithfully every day/week/month I would also say that many of the BEST writers are those who start blogs and never continue them. I wonder where they are now? I wonder if they are okay? It seems sad to see their potential and ideas lost.

When I was sick I didn’t write for a few months here-and-there but people knew I was still around. I wonder how long it takes to not be around and not be noticed if you are not around, I wonder how long it takes to vanish or feel you have vanished?

Upon joining WP I met with a small group of writers/poets/thinkers and they were my ‘first’ friends here. What is interesting is of those, some are still my dearest friends and some completely vanished and this after professing love and life-long friendship. Of those who vanished, either into their own egos or others, they were the loudest at proclaiming such undying friendship. Had I known then, they were just saying it, I wouldn’t have invested as much time in cultivating those friendships but not everyone is like that, usually only those who speak the loudest (and I wonder why that is?).

At times I am tempted to ask some of those who never keep in touch, what happened? Where’s the love? ha ha ha! Because they were SO VERY effusive and then like a raisin in the sun they dried up and went onto greener pastures … I guess that’s the whim of the budding author for you! Yeah I met a few of those too. I learned from that fickelty though. No matter what happens, I’ll never feel too self-important for those who were there for me.

Going through the list is like looking back on the years I have written on WP and all the people I have met. I feel so lucky to have met those people, so many of them I really count as TRUE friends and I care deeply for them. Others I may not be literal friends with but I admire what they do and who they are, very, very much. We are basically, a wonderful community and I feel richer for being here.

Let’s spare a moment for those who are not here. In our WP world we have lost people. Those who have died. Those who have become too sick to write. Those who are too depressed to write. Those who are not here and though we do not know why, they are gone. Let’s think about those people we met when we first began here, the faces and voices of those who are not here now for a myriad of reasons. I for one, do not forget them. It’s a bit like first-love, you don’t easily forget your first.

Thank you to Rita, Eric, Tony, Monique, Derick and Sabrina, some of the very ‘first tribe’ who welcomed me and whom I had here on WP, for still being around and still sending your sunshine my way regularly.

Oh, and if this teaches me anything, it is to appreciate someone whilst they are here and to try to always keep writing through life’s ups and downs and appreciate the value of people coming into your life and holding you to the light.

For Paul and Cynthia. We remember you.



83 thoughts on “This is a real world as it is an unreal world

  1. A fine tribute, Candy. Sometimes when I look back at older posts, I see Cynthia’s face among the likes and comments. Warm memories are triggered. Thank you for my mention, my friend. X

  2. I’ve been on a hiatus for a bit to continue my healing and rehab, but you and others here are always on my mind as friends to catch up on once I have the ability to. I’ve been wrestling with inspiration to create since my energy has been sucked into daily functioning for so much of this year. All that’s to say, I haven’t forgotten about you! I resent my chronic disorder from taking me away from what brings me joy, while at the same time, I have to pay it the attention it needs so it will stop dominating my existence. I know I’m not alone in life’s cruel twists, and I think WP just tends to be a microcosm of that ebb and flow. These are good questions you ask…I also figured I’d be forgotten here if I were drawn away by other demands. But, I realize that’s likely not the case. We’ve all had to take time away in order to come back. ❤

  3. I follow about 100 people. It varies some, as I also weed through. I only follow those I read. So I am picky. But I have seen some writers disappear. Honestly; I remember all the schedules (or lack thereof) and I will email someone if it’s been too long. Even if they post and say “I’m taking a break” I will email and say, hey, I miss you or I’m thinking about you. I think it’s important to tell people these things. If I took a break or disappeared, I would be sincerely touched if someone reached out to me. Took the three minutes out of their day to say, hey you’re thought of. Thanks for writing this. I do love your blog.

  4. It is a strange place, these etheric friendships, yet I’ve found my best friends can materialize after years away and we pick up every thing we know of our though lives. Here it’s the same, there is no physical attraction as such, there is a soul connection, and that never dies. I always consider myself blessed to have found you, your writing … you’ve given the life experience perspective, your strength unbounded …

  5. More people should be like you beautiful girl because we actually CAN be as good friends online as any other way. You’re the real deal because you actually check on people you’re not a Fairweather friend. I met my best friend who writes on here, online, and she’s the one who recommended me writing here. Best advice ever. I don’t follow many people, and I know those I do and care about them. I can’t do enormous numbers I’d rather a handful of real friends than a thousand fake. I really appreciate you.

  6. Sweetheart, remember when you were going to leave and we put up such a fuss? You belong here. I agree about chronic illnesses but you do far better than you may credit and I for one would notice I’d you were permanently lost but I’d email you and check on you. You’re a marvelous writer it will come back I promise. You are my friend 💓 and I care 💓

  7. I know we’ll meet in person. I’m certain of that. I love you. I feel the same about Cynthia I love the idea she’s watching. I miss her. She was such a lovely person. I agree it can be easier not to make connections but as you say when it works it’s so worth it. We support each other we believe in each other.

  8. Dearest, you’re right, I hope those who are not here anymore are somewhere where they are happy. You’re right, actions speak louder than words. Often the person who says a lot . .. does nothing and the quieter one is the one who moves mountains. I’m so grateful for knowing you and our faith in each other and support in each other and caring, can literally mean everything. 💓

  9. T, you and I will always be friends. I admire you and like you, the best combination and you’re right I feel very warm towards you I am certain we knew each other in another incantation. I’ll ALWAYS be pestering you it’s how we roll. Tatiana understands this. The bond of the vagabonds.

  10. Yes Yes! A thousand times yes! I am not in need of numbers. But I DO want to impact and change and hopefully improve a couple lives. That’s all that matters as a human being.

  11. I feel that that deep assurance in and true love of a soul and heart the can reveal (even sometimes through words) is sensed at a deeper level than words. And your poetry reveals so often the deepest integrity I feel so grateful to call you friend. Yes it means everything. >3

  12. How you express all you have lived lifts so many, your writing aligns with your purpose, even when it seems the world is only throwing down another challenge … Just found this saying by John Muir – “It is still the morning of creation, the morning ra are singing together and all the children of God are shouting for joy ! “

  13. Thank you for this touching post. I followed several troubled souls when I first started blogging. I wrote a lot about addiction back then, so I attracted addicts and those who suffered through the addiction of loved ones. The majority of them disappeared from WP after a few weeks or months. I still think about them and wonder how they’re doing – especially the addicts, whose lives were precarious. I doubt whether they knew how much I cared.

  14. I recently stopped writing because I had a baby. She is my third child, but I wasn’t trying to make a serious career out of writing back when my two oldest were babies, and she has been quite difficult to get into a sleep routine, so my time to write has been very limited over the past five months. And when I do find the time to write, I would rather work on the novel that I’ve been working on for the past four years. My blog is just to get the creative juices flowing, but I simply don’t have that luxury these days :/

  15. Personally I am really glad I’ve stumbled across your blog. I do appreciate your writing a lot and it inspires me to continue to write myself. Sometimes life can be too much, but even then writing is an outlet I wouldn’t miss for the world. Let’s hope it stays that way, doing my best.

  16. This is a lovely note. There are very few on here I connect with. I had higher hopes when I started. But it’s like ‘real’ life I suppose. I have very few ‘real’ connections there either. It’s hard (for me anyway) to connect in the world in the past years. In fact, I was just thinking about this today while I was driving to work. Is it me, or is the world…or both? I know I have very, very dear friends–so I am not completely numb. But making connections, new ones, is harder. I’m fussy, and introverted now, and lazier than I used to be. Only so much time in the day and I’d rather not get to know to most people. Although, I do love casually talking to MOST people? It’s weird… But my plan for my next move will be to shake up this whole way I’ve been living and turn it on it’s head. We’ll see if I can do it.

  17. Perhaps you’re unduly harsh on yourself. At least you like talking to most people, I have an aversion to small talk. Truth be told of you have any loyal friends then you’re rich. The average person outside of family has 1/3 best or close friends and some acquaintances but few close. Most people socialize w/ family or subscribed groups like church. It’s harder making friends as you get older, people have less time, most aren’t open to or do not need more friends. Men have fewer friends than women but they’re more liyak. I’ve only ever wished for a handful of close friends I’m too exhausted by socializing to do more than that. I truly think most creative people with a moral conscience find it hard to befriend many people, you could see that as a positive, you’ve got a good sense of what works. I am glad I’m not as social as in my teens, but it is a lonely life at times having connection helps so much. I feel the same way about you and am lucky to call you a friend. I wish we lived closer as it’s especially nice to hang out IRL but I’m lucky either way. Don’t automatically assume it’s a deficiency in you, men would never ER assume that so we as women must try not to either 💓 ( and because it isn’t true)

  18. I talk to people because I never know who might teach me something, even unknowingly. So I stay open to that possibility. And my friends are my family since my family can be lame at times. Groups aren’t for me but I am hoping some day to find more of a sense of community. It is partly me because I am closed. But trying to understand why…❤❤

  19. Your writing isn’t closed. I think you’ll find that community. Meanwhile the secret in your soul writers beautiful things proving you are more than you know.

  20. Apologies for my absence. Got a job. Been Working for a month and 2 weeks. Resigned today this morning, due to 3 men at work who picked on me a lot. It was extremely toxic environment. Been coming home depressed and upset. Thought my heart was going to stop yesterday, Health comes first, I’ll find a good job a better job.

    I know exactly what you mean by this post. Hope you understand.

  21. Congratulations for the job and commiserations for the ending of the job but you have to protect yourself Asimov that’s more important than anything and I am so sorry to hear they were like that. Toxic environments are the worst. No wonder you were depressed. I’m glad you are out of there. Health comes first. I truly believe you will find a better role for you there are many things you can do many – do not give up dear one

  22. Right, toxic environments are terrible. I think my PTSD is kicking in on me. They pushed my buttons to the extremely, and I broke down alone so no one can see. I was depressed and angry. Now, I can start a new chapter, move on, and look for a better job and do what makes me happy.

    It’s good to hear from you. Now, poetry can begin to express and experiment with the imagination.

    P.S. I posted something yesterday regarding to the aftermath of what I was feeling. 🙂

  23. I remember you. I have not left, but you were removed from my contacts by WP. I suppose that is a glitch? I hear others talk about it, and find it frustrating. I do remember people, but I would not be able to remember every name exactly and find them, or I would think they had gone away, when really I just wasn’t seeing their posts.
    Great post, and glad to hear you talk about it. I miss people too, especially the ones that are not coming back. Not sure if you remember me 🙂 but these are my thoughts on reading this. Thank you.


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