This is a real world as it is an unreal world

I was going through the list of who I am following on WordPress with a view of clearing out people who had stopped writing on their blog. It’s sad. All the good intentions we have, all the excellent names for blogs, the ideas, the effort, where do they go?

Interestingly; I noticed that many of the people who had depression and/or feminism in their title line were no longer writing. I wondered, is that a coincidence or do things that matter but are not popular (depression/feminism) die out?

Whilst I admire those who continue a blog for years, writing faithfully every day/week/month I would also say that many of the BEST writers are those who start blogs and never continue them. I wonder where they are now? I wonder if they are okay? It seems sad to see their potential and ideas lost.

When I was sick I didn’t write for a few months here-and-there but people knew I was still around. I wonder how long it takes to not be around and not be noticed if you are not around, I wonder how long it takes to vanish or feel you have vanished?

Upon joining WP I met with a small group of writers/poets/thinkers and they were my ‘first’ friends here. What is interesting is of those, some are still my dearest friends and some completely vanished and this after professing love and life-long friendship. Of those who vanished, either into their own egos or others, they were the loudest at proclaiming such undying friendship. Had I known then, they were just saying it, I wouldn’t have invested as much time in cultivating those friendships but not everyone is like that, usually only those who speak the loudest (and I wonder why that is?).

At times I am tempted to ask some of those who never keep in touch, what happened? Where’s the love? ha ha ha! Because they were SO VERY effusive and then like a raisin in the sun they dried up and went onto greener pastures … I guess that’s the whim of the budding author for you! Yeah I met a few of those too. I learned from that fickelty though. No matter what happens, I’ll never feel too self-important for those who were there for me.

Going through the list is like looking back on the years I have written on WP and all the people I have met. I feel so lucky to have met those people, so many of them I really count as TRUE friends and I care deeply for them. Others I may not be literal friends with but I admire what they do and who they are, very, very much. We are basically, a wonderful community and I feel richer for being here.

Let’s spare a moment for those who are not here. In our WP world we have lost people. Those who have died. Those who have become too sick to write. Those who are too depressed to write. Those who are not here and though we do not know why, they are gone. Let’s think about those people we met when we first began here, the faces and voices of those who are not here now for a myriad of reasons. I for one, do not forget them. It’s a bit like first-love, you don’t easily forget your first.

Thank you to Rita, Eric, Tony, Monique, Derick and Sabrina, some of the very ‘first tribe’ who welcomed me and whom I had here on WP, for still being around and still sending your sunshine my way regularly.

Oh, and if this teaches me anything, it is to appreciate someone whilst they are here and to try to always keep writing through life’s ups and downs and appreciate the value of people coming into your life and holding you to the light.

For Paul and Cynthia. We remember you.


83 thoughts on “This is a real world as it is an unreal world

  1. You are irreplaceable in my life, Candy. Irreplaceable. You allow me the freedom to be unapologetically who I am and that’s gold in my veins. I love you. Life changes, people move on, real love stays with us.

  2. Thanks for reminding us, Candice. To be remembered these days, I was going to say you have to massacre a schoolful of kids, but then I realised that that’s not enough either.

  3. This is a great post of acknowledgment, support, and love. I’ve had to remind myself that many people take breaks; mental breaks, growth breaks, and overall writing breaks. I used to get worried about not seeing them around, but thankfully, they always popped back up.

    WordPress is the only platform that I can truly say I always come running back to. I think those that I follow, feel the same way.

  4. Only you (ok there may be others) could write such a touching post about WordPress followers and you have echoed some of my own thoughts, but much more eloquently 😀

  5. is Eric po3tic? There was a writer called po3tic who inspired my work and shaped my writing as much as the published poets have. He was a terrific expressionist. Back then I was writing cheesy Hallmark Card poetry and then deleted that blog and so many others. I literally threw my poems in the dustbin and vowed to never write again. But I struggle with BPAD and OCD with psychosis and decided to come back for good last year. And is Cynthia littleoldladywho? She encouraged me a lot two years ago when i got published and was just starting to find my voice. I deleted that blog too and returned to find that she had passed away. The only poets from years ago who still interact with me are Holly, John, Mia and Bruce. Anyhow I’m glad I found your blog. – Nitin

  6. As usual you say exactly what needed to be said. I could not agree more. In my memory palace I sit and have a hot cup of something almost every morning with you and you make me laugh and you make me think. Despite our distance you are near because you are a song bird of poetry and that’s the kind of friendship that sticks in your soul. I couldn’t agree more about the dismissive world outside of our imagination.

  7. I mean when someone is gone like a year and more. To me that’s not a break they really don’t come back. Yeah I agree about shorter breaks of course, but it’s really sad when you cared about a writer and they vanish, it makes you wonder if they are okay, and then sometimes you find out they are not okay. Anyway I agree with you totally it’s the only one I keep coming back to as well. HUGS

  8. I think I know which Holly and Mia you mean they are both incredible people. Eric isn’t po3tic? But I hear you, it’s so crazy when people come and go isn’t it? Yes you are absolutely right about Cynthia I think of her often. She was such a good, good person and I miss her very much. I’m glad you came back. Thank you so much Nitin xo

  9. There are some people I’ve followed who have disappeared. Some give up their blogs because they are too busy, but others have other things going on–and some have died.
    You are right that it is good to take the time to appreciate them. Thank you, Candice.

  10. Always. I appreciate you for a myriad of reasons, not least the crucial and important work you do. I hope one day to write one of those sections in your next Rape book that would chuff me to bits.

  11. Oh my! So resonating and heartfelt . This is my mind spoken by you. I really wonder where is that love now? And I already know all this will end and so I should just fucking write.
    Still where are they?!

  12. I’ve noticed several bloggers who stopped writing months ago, and one who deleted his blog without notice. I do wonder if they are okay. Thanks for saying what needs to be said.

  13. I cannot imagine being here and not being in touch with you. You are a wonderful and bright star in my sky, Candice. And if for some reason I look out and dont see you shining out there, I will always look for you. And I’ll reach out every single time and let you know I am here. ❤❤❤ always.

  14. I’m beginning to be here long enough to notice how some disappear, or go quiet for a while and return. I get lax about writing, except for comments and reblog intros, and I’ve just gotten the idea that some of those comments, or parts of them, or expansions, can stand alone (with encouragement from you Candice.) This post also left me thinking of Joni Mitchell’s “Big Yellow Taxi”.

    “Don’t it always seem to go
    That you don’t know what you’ve got til its gone”

  15. Reblogged this on cabbagesandkings524 and commented:
    TheFeatheredSleep reminds us to appreciate what and who we have while we do, because, as Joni Mitchell sang:

    “Don’t it always seem to go
    That you don’t know what you’ve got til its gone”

  16. Sometimes I get worried too. They were people I followed who were in toxic relationship and I fear that they went back to the madness. I feel like I want to say don’t do it but I am powerless.

  17. I’ve wondered about a few people that I never hear from anymore. It’s a fickle world here, that’s for sure. I’m certainly happy to have known lots of y’all here, but there are a few that I’ve missed, after just up and disappearing, or announcing their departure. Why do they vanish or leave? Not sure, and I suppose it’s different for each. Hell, I may be one to do that very thing too! Who knows? But, I think sometimes things just run their course for someone. Still though, I miss them.

  18. I know, Candice. I become attached to writers of WordPress and it’s a strange relationship, but since we’re all baring our souls to each other, these connections can be deeper than real life ones with those who could give two shits about our souls. One of my favorites, Existential Baker, just went silent back in February and just a few days ago his wife wrote a post that he had passed, but will continue blogging in his honor and to develop her own writing voice. I am so happy she chose to let his readers know, that we may properly mourn and remember, and that she is now opening up about their shared life. Perhaps we can all consider letting our spouses or a close friend know how to access our blogs should anything happen to us.

  19. Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? (a little Paul Simon reference). I wonder as well, where have all the flowers gone? (a little Pete Seeger reference). I miss those strong voices, those poets, those sensitive souls. I’m sure they’re still making a difference, even if we don’t know it.

  20. True. I didn’t know him but that is a lovely idea of his wife carrying it on. Life is fragile. You’re right, few give a shit so when they do it’s enormous.

  21. I literally had tears in my eyes reading this and it as also after reading the loving comment you posted on my recent post. I often think action is better than words. Those who speak a lot about things may not live up to their words.. are they walking the talk? Only time will tell which is why as I get older I trust less and less what people say and look more at what they do. We can speak without even knowing who we or other people are sometimes, But on the other hand care for others makes us realise there may be another reason they have disappeared and that is cause for concern and deep sadness.

    I am so honoured to be your friend and this site has literally saved me on more days than I could care to name. I look at the love given and received and think thank God for here. Thank God for you and everyone else. and even the ones who go well they touched our hearts for a time. I have noticed a lot who disappear but I also hold out a positive hope they may have moved on to a new life.

    Hugs and lots of love

  22. This is one of the hard things about on-line friendships. So often you are left wondering what has happened to a person that you loved to follow. Especially if they were elderly or unwell. Kind of sad that we will never know…

  23. I for one am glad you’re still here and still writing, Candice. Your efforts have challenged me, comforted me, and just plain entertained me, and the warmth you have always shown me is something that I will always be grateful for. I truly hope you never just disappear from WP. Your friendship means that much!

  24. You’ve echoed some of my own thoughts, Candice. I’ve been here almost seven years and there has been a tremendous turnover of bloggers. Some I knew suffered from depression, some had other problems….some suffered losses in their lives and lost their incentive to write. Some moved on to other blogging groups… On and on. It makes one leery about becoming too attached. But I always do, because you never know when a friendship might become solid. (Back in 1992 I became friends with a large group of poets on a Prodigy forum. Some have died, some faded away, but there are three of them – Hal, Andrew, and Mary, who are still good friends today. One I’ve met in person.)
    (And, oh – I too miss Cynthia so much. Sometimes I feel she’s still here with us all, reading over our shoulders, encouraging us….)
    What I wish is that I had met you sooner, Candice. I’m so glad our paths finally crossed. And hopefully we too shall meet in person. ❤️
    Sorry for rambling…. You made me take stock – thank you, ❤️

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