By the morning I will have
you say doitnowyeahbaby and I
used to dream of cutting out my female parts
and chopping my long hair into a ladder
with my bound breasts crimson and my writhe
locked behind metal
would you still seek to
turn the key in my neck and bend me
over you like a bottle of glue
the top fallen off making a mess
of our independence from each other
in your belly and
she tells you to put the lipstick on thick
and wear your bra too tight
but don’t open the door to strangers
they might punish the boy who liked
pills and girl clothes and painting
vaginas on his daydreams
you ask me, can’t you fill me up
with your anger? And I say I don’t have what it takes
the plastic strap-on kind doesn’t feel real and you say
what’s real anymore and so I act the boy
and you mince and squirm beneath me
almost for a moment I get excited by your
pretend curves and your thrown neck
but there is always a glimmer of masculine
about you and the wet tears of a girl in
my feeble attempts
we are swapped back again
sitting outside in matching jeans
some boy comments on my pretty bosom
and I can see the pain in your
envy as you tuck
your skirt in your throat
and hide the longing
This is for my friends who are transforming from one gender to another. You are not alone.
11 thoughts on “Find me”
How beautiful this is to remind those friends that they are not alone. We change many parts of ourselves as we need to in order to be more complete. How well you have defined that inner person so desperate to get out. I love this!
I love this phrase, “chopping my long hair into ladders”. So full of imagery. thanks for sharing
This catches the conflict
It’s like your poetry weeps of beautiful emotion.
You’re truly gifted 💕
It’s telling I think, or an example of what happens when something is perceived to be against societal norms… or perhaps this topic just makes people feel uncomfortable; but I think it says something about society that out of 60+ likes here that no one has offered commentary. I already have told you about my niece who thinks she’s transgender. I worry that a lot of transgender youth are made to feel as if something is wrong with them by people that moralize it wrong, or just can’t understand it. This has to make these kids feel isolated and alone. You here too often about young transgender people who commit suicide because they don’t feel comfortable in their own skin and are made to feel even more different because of how they are treated, sadly even by their own families in some cases. Anyways just thought i’d share my thoughts on the topic, another fantastic poem my friend. ღ
*SPELL CHECK* ‘hear’, not here., lol
You nailed it. The lack of anything to say … And yet there’s so much to say. That’s half the battle. Stigma doesn’t shift without conversation. Thank you brother.
Thanks so much for this
Agreed, conversation is key. However I worry that some people (most?) do not have the empathy to see past their own ingrained biases on this and many issues. Oh and to correct myself “few people offered commentary” instead of none on this poem.
When something is taboo, or unconventional, or pushes boundaries/values/beliefs, is out of the norm (whatever that maybe) it makes people uncomfortable. They don’t know what to say. They go about life ostrich-head-in-the-sand-like and pretend to get on with life. Yet a simple smile or a hug can speak volumes without any words. Your words are powerful.
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