Find me

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By the morning I will have

come back

you say doitnowyeahbaby and I

used to dream of cutting out my female parts

and chopping my long hair into a ladder

with my bound breasts crimson and my writhe

locked behind metal

would you still seek to

turn the key in my neck and bend me

over you like a bottle of glue

the top fallen off making a mess

of our independence from each other

there exists

a chimera

in your belly and

she tells you to put the lipstick on thick

and wear your bra too tight

but don’t open the door to strangers

they might punish the boy who liked

pills and girl clothes and painting

vaginas on his daydreams

you ask me, can’t you fill me up

with your anger? And I say I don’t have what it takes

the plastic strap-on kind doesn’t feel real and you say

what’s real anymore and so I act the boy

and you mince and squirm beneath me

almost for a moment I get excited by your

pretend curves and your thrown neck

but there is always a glimmer of masculine

about you and the wet tears of a girl in

my feeble attempts

we are swapped back again

sitting outside in matching jeans

some boy comments on my pretty bosom

and I can see the pain in your

envy as you tuck

your skirt in your throat

and hide the longing

once more

 

This is for my friends who are transforming from one gender to another. You are not alone.

11 thoughts on “Find me

  1. How beautiful this is to remind those friends that they are not alone. We change many parts of ourselves as we need to in order to be more complete. How well you have defined that inner person so desperate to get out. I love this!

  2. It’s telling I think, or an example of what happens when something is perceived to be against societal norms… or perhaps this topic just makes people feel uncomfortable; but I think it says something about society that out of 60+ likes here that no one has offered commentary. I already have told you about my niece who thinks she’s transgender. I worry that a lot of transgender youth are made to feel as if something is wrong with them by people that moralize it wrong, or just can’t understand it. This has to make these kids feel isolated and alone. You here too often about young transgender people who commit suicide because they don’t feel comfortable in their own skin and are made to feel even more different because of how they are treated, sadly even by their own families in some cases. Anyways just thought i’d share my thoughts on the topic, another fantastic poem my friend. ღ

  3. You nailed it. The lack of anything to say … And yet there’s so much to say. That’s half the battle. Stigma doesn’t shift without conversation. Thank you brother.

  4. Agreed, conversation is key. However I worry that some people (most?) do not have the empathy to see past their own ingrained biases on this and many issues. Oh and to correct myself “few people offered commentary” instead of none on this poem.

  5. When something is taboo, or unconventional, or pushes boundaries/values/beliefs, is out of the norm (whatever that maybe) it makes people uncomfortable. They don’t know what to say. They go about life ostrich-head-in-the-sand-like and pretend to get on with life. Yet a simple smile or a hug can speak volumes without any words. Your words are powerful.

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