The outsider

38638686_1843766582406138_8072796370370560000_nshe wasn’t like them, so they didn’t like her

to her face they smiled and said ‘nice things’

which she knew were lies

behind her back they laughed

and made dirty-lezzie jokes

because it made them uncomfortable

to think about what they thought she did

it made them feel a bit disgusted

like when you stand too close

she looked like them in superficial ways

wore at times, nicer dresses and had longer hair

the fact that she liked girls wasn’t in their

comfort zone

when it was summer time they had

BBQ’s and invited all the neighborhood kids

wondering if she would be safe around minors or

would do something inappropriate

when they started a mommy running club

she wasn’t invited because she was neither

a mommy or someone they wanted to

bare their secrets with

what would she understand of husbands?

maybe their husbands liked her

because she was unavailable

when it was Halloween they made candy and

knocked on all the doors but hers

because the other mothers said best to avoid

what they did not care to know

that’s why she lived a harder life than she had to

for there is almost nothing worse than pretend friendliness

leaving you more alone than if they said what they thought

and spat in your face

if you think that’s an exaggeration or she feels

sorry for herself

think on the tiny percent of the world

where being gay is safe or legal

and the huge part of the world where it is forbidden or punished

think on how many lament at

the shift in culture toward acceptance

calling it a ruination of our society with all

those damn fags

compare it to those who truly feel inclusive

how every day isn’t the same

when you have to contend with not fitting in

making everyone else feel uncomfortable

just by existing

nor can you talk about what matters to you

just in-case visual images abound and people

begin to change the subject

if it were a choice … a lifestyle … few would make it

yet she exists

wishing sometimes the phone would ring

another girl like her would say

I know how you feel

would you like to go for a walk?

she is a gay princess in a tower

and her princess

is somewhere in the world perhaps

thinking the same thoughts

two outsiders

unable to find each other


79 thoughts on “The outsider

  1. Dearest Orville, as much as things change they stay the same, anyone who is black knows this instinctively because unlike someone who is gay they cannot go into the closet about their color and discrimination is in their face. Thank you my friend for reading this

  2. Ah how right you are sage-lady how right you are. I am sure we are all ‘guilty’ of having a fear of the unknown, but I find it harder to forgive being cruel because of ones fear

  3. Nice way of seeing it – supporting the choir, I really like that image/idea. I also would refute that others know ‘better than you’ as I happen to think you’re far smarter than you say, and I’m still waiting for you to write your own poetry again here! Do it!

  4. Interestingly cruelty has come up in a few posts recently – different contexts, same beast. Never is it OK, and yes, it is hard to forget let alone forgive when on the receiving end.

  5. Candice, I’m very glad you wrote this, and opened up the discussion on this important subject. It’s unfathomable to me that society is still so backwards and ignorant and uncaring…. Please keep writing about it, keep the dialogue open. ❤️

  6. Thank you dearest B I agree w/u it’s one of those things I know is not popular but it is so very, very important. I thought of that little boy who committed suicide this week that was my inspiration for deciding I had to even if eyes would roll

  7. In all the world, I can think of a relative few, whose company I would shun- Satanists, pedophiles, human traffickers. None of those categories inherently pertain to gay people. The closed-minded, in that regard, deprive themselves, more than they deprive the sensitive, usually clear-headed souls who orient towards people of their own gender.

  8. Fake friendliness is the worst. And I can’t stand those who lament for the lost art of hypocrisy. Why is it so difficult to let people live the way they want?

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