The moral imperative

dont tread on me alabamaDon’t look away because you’ve already made up your mind

hang loose / stay nimble Kingfisher / remain open

this isn’t a soap box and I’m not ranting

this is a page among many pages and a thought among many thoughts

I hope you read it and T.H.I.N.K.

This is for the person who thinks women and girls shouldn’t have a choice

did I lose you with that last line? What happened to the certainty of your convictions?

If you are ready to condemn a rape or incest survivor to bearing their rapists child

and possibly having that rapist fight for custody/visitation and be awarded it

then consider how you might want to give me the time of day

before closing yourself off back to your old way of thinking

after all … I’ve changed my views many times based on EVOLVING

we don’t stay the same, we shouldn’t stay the same

life is not a vortex

so here goes …

What makes you believe a girl of 15 who is raped by her step father should

bear his child?

Because I hear you say on the radio; “The child is not to blame so we should not punish them by murdering them”

and the certainty in your voice

astonishes me

as I think of what it will feel like to be

raped at 15 by your step father, bear his child at 16 and then tell the child at 13 when she is old enough to know, who her father is

watch her face crumple

should that child never exist? She may go on to do great things that is true

But we are putting the rights and the acts of predators before the rights of that 16 year old

We are raping them again

We are telling them you may be an individual but you have NO right over your body

you were raped and now you are going to be given this life sentence

and your child will be too

and yes, that child may grow up to be something amazing

but sometimes we don’t need to know every eventuality

we just need to know what is wrong and what is right

and it is wrong to make a child bear a rapists child if they do not want to

just as it is wrong to give that rapist any rights over that child’s life

there is really … no punishment great enough for rapists and molestors

but we are going soft and we spend far more of our time

trying to undermine the rights of women and girls

and I have decided (call me paranoid if you wish) this is

a conspiracy against women and girls

and before you say “oh but other women think so too, it’s not just men!”

I will nod and agree, because I have seen and heard those other women

in fact one is my neighbor and she said; “I don’t understand why a person has to have an abortion they are just lazy because they did not use birth control”

and I wondered because she is a lovely person and quite bright

HOW she could think this and WHERE that judgment came from

but despite this, despite other women damming other women as they have always done

it is the masculine need to control women that is at the crux of this debate

it is the male led world (still) that tries to close its fist around women’s private parts

and tell her what she can do with her own body

and it is the misinterpretation of what we perceive God to want and dictate

that leads us to condemn, insult, hate, shame, loathe, obliterate

the rights of other women to do what THEY NEED TO DO

and sometimes what they need to do is

have an abortion

and it’s not only in the cases of girls who have been raped by their step fathers

but mothers and wives and adults and middle aged women

who for a variety of reasons have decided

as human beings they have the right to decide what to do with their own body

and if there were a war and there were two sides

and someone said to me; will you fight for our side

despite being a pacifist I would

because I have worked with the women and girls who have come to me and said

my parents did not let me have an abortion when I was raped by my uncle

I had to bear this child and that child grew up knowing I hated it

though I tried not to

and I was condemned again for hating the product of my rape

although I could not stop myself

too much of the burden is upon the women

and I do not think those grey haired men who sit in judgement

would wish to adopt my child of rape or your child of rape

I do not think they would wish to have a child of color

or a feminist or a lesbian as their child

I think they want to turn the clock back to when

women did not speak out or wish to assume any control

of themselves or their daughters

and yet

what they do not understand is

before their time

women were in control of themselves and their daughters

and they flourished

until they were defeated

but as with any battle

there can again be

a revolution

and I suspect the time is coming

when women will once more (they should not have to)

rise up they should not have to)

and say (they should not have to)

to their daughters and their sons (they should not have to)

this is not okay and I am not going to lie down and take it

and when that day comes

I will be part of that battle

and would die defending

the right of women and girls to do what they want with their own bodies

and those who will come at me with

what about the babies rights?

what about the rights of the unborn?

what about how murder is wrong?

will hear me reply

what about your cruelty? Enforcing laws

draconian and otherwise upon the bodies and souls

of women and girls

all because it comforts you to judge

others

rather than yourselves

and who is saying anything about

the men who get women and girls pregnant

and how often they do not want

to be saddled with a child

and this is my last thought on the matter;

What would men do if they were the ones who were

raped and abused and what would they do if they

could become pregnant and had to carry a child

and were told by women

oh you should carry this product of rape to term

and give it up for adoption because it is selfish of you to abort and it is murder

when there are so many childless couples who would be so glad of your

birthing factory abilities, sorry, I mean, unwanted child

what would men say if they were told

I am sorry you were forced to have sex and got pregnant

but you cannot have an abortion

be mindful of the sanctity of life in this overcrowded world

and shut your legs in future

the undertone, it is all in the undertone

and I say

if men were to wake up to that?

there would be abortion clinics on every corner like Starbucks

and that more than anything else tells you what you need to know

if you are still listening

and not assuming you know

what women should do with their bodies

because you possess

the moral imperative

 

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48 thoughts on “The moral imperative

  1. My BODY it can’t be controlled, bought sold or used to produce soldiers or more female slaves for the machine. MINE. Fuck the government and the women who turn against other women, even if they don’t agree with THEIR choices.

  2. There is a deeper tragedy compelling this line of reason… lack of true knowledge of returning. How often have I seen tragedies where parents lost children only to have them visited on them again in their later years. Our forgetting of what is outside when entering this realm takes a terrible cost. My step brother raped my sister, what would we have done if it came to conception. Are children to just be conceived or conceived in love? There is no proof of when life begins, yet there are those who tell me it is at conception, or at a heartbeat. To them I say show me your proof, and all they give me are words … it is in the breath that life opens its door. The word cannot be spoken without breath. In the beginning god “said” let the be light. Is the word or the light the first element of creation?

  3. “and sometimes what they need to do is
    have an abortion” THIS!!! and it’s nobody’s business but the woman who needs to make this decision.
    Thank you for your timely thoughts on this subject, Candice!

  4. Well done! I’d add two things (because it’s your blog not mine)
    An embryo is not a child. It’s an evolving bunch of cells with the potential to make a human being.
    No one, not her parents, the neighbours, the local dog catcher, the Pope or the politician grabbing votes has the right to impose the trauma of birth and the lifelong responsibility of motherhood on ANY woman.

  5. Yes – we’re on the same page. I did think about the embryo not being a ‘child’ and also I love the thing about the local dog, but you KNEW I would 😉 Did anyone ever say you’re wonderful? I just did.

  6. Ah P, I know exactly what you are saying and agree whole heartedly. Even if life begins with the heart beat as is claimed, even if something written a million years ago is accurate in today’s world, even if God would smite those who aborted, they should still have the RIGHT. Of course, any sane person knows if God smited abortions then half the animal kingdom would be dead and smoking because animals cause miscarriages when they perceive the situation to be not right. It is more natural than a bunch of dictators yelling at women about what they can do with their bodies. xo

  7. Ah my friend I agree with you so much. The machine is RIGHT. Also I agree, the most heartbreaking thing is surely the grief of other women hurting women – they have really lost themselves.

  8. btw did you see the recent FRONTLINE thing about sex-trafficking it was on two nights ago and is on their website? Would be interested in what you thought. I was surprised for something that had taken them two years to produce I was disappointed but it definitely brought up some provocative issues about the sex industry that I immediately wanted to talk to you about! xo

  9. Watching what is happening here in the States, fighting a battle that I thought we’d already won decades ago, this is a most eloquently written warning of what we stand to lose if we don’t take a stand. Thank you for putting into beautiful words what many of us are thinking, Candice!

  10. Thanks. I fear I must pin my hopes for that on a younger generation more than my own. A lot of kids are getting seriously “woke” about a long list of things.

  11. It takes a lot of courage to write what you did. I’m always astonished at how vehement religious (Christian as well as Muslim) extremists get about this subject. Well, almost any subject about women’s rights.

  12. Yes how right you are. Moreover I am shocked at if you do searches you find the majority of what people write is anti-women/women’s rights and anti-choice. I am shocked by this perpetually because in my world people have more equality than I think in reality they do. I know people condemn those who stand up for choice. I was no fan of Hillary Clinton but the minute she got on that stage and spoke of every woman’s right to choose, she had no chance of being elected. That is how it is here nowadays. Sad to think it has gone backward but many countries are/have in some form or fashion. The madness of trends? The madness of people? I think the latter.

  13. What a wonderful thing to say. If there were anything I wished for most it would be that I did have a connection to truth. So your words have given me so much hope. TY so much Peter.

  14. Yes you are right. I find that it is too easy to blame one generation or another and really it is US humanity as a whole who must rise up and do the right thing. If we don’t then we are all in a way to blame.

  15. Exactly. Well said Karen. I am sorry we are going through this. As you say, a battle we thought we had already put behind us and won. I suppose it proves we cannot take anything for granted? TY for being one of the ones in the light.

  16. We slip backwards because we allow it. Too many women connive with the masculine hegemony and actually want a return to female subservience and male domination as being ‘the natural order’. Same goes for educated western women wanting to shroud themselves and become what Mona Ozouf calls ‘un sexe ambulant’. They want to sink back into the role of reproductrice and nothing else. Talk about climate change. How is anything ever going to be done using scientific analysis if we regress to this kind of nightmare.

  17. Yes – agreed. I can’t relate to that because who would willingly be shackled, but I have reached the same conclusion as you. There is no other explanation, and I have known women who wish this, though never why (I ought to have asked). ‘un sexe ambulant’ yes I must read on Ozouf. Thank you. We regress because maybe some of us are not able to reach higher levels, and it is assumed we all can/should and maybe it’s only a few who can, even so, some of them have nefarious ideas that thwart good intentions. It takes a strong soul to stick to their purpose throughout their entire life.

  18. I don’t understand it either. Maybe it’s a way of opting out of making decisions and fulfilling potential; If you deny that you have any potential, it makes life easier.

  19. I share a lot about my opinions on videos and have on this topic, and I agree with your voice. Because I have used mine I have received much backlash, and my mother disowned me on my birthday after my recent expression on abuse. It seems that truth about freedom really stirs the pot. I think it is because those who feel they know more about our position or lives really never look at their own.

  20. There seems to be a lot of women who would rather let a man decide everything for them. Even the women who claim to be liberated by the strictures of a religion and want to be taken seriously in politics and leadership are bowing to a man-made shame in their feminine condition. I don’t understand their logic.

  21. I am so very, very sorry that you have had that experience. I will tell you that after we published We Will Not Be Silenced and it was published, my mom also disowned me for what I had written. I still feel heartbroken about it. I had written about the legacy of sexual abuse in our family and it is true, i didn’t think about how it would make her feel because i thought she would be happy that i was defending her. The trouble is with abuse in families it’s not that simple, sometimes the victim identifies more with the abuser than the other victims. My mom decided that her father who was the abuser, mattered more than her daughter and she wrote me off. She gave me some excuses about why but we all knew the reason was that, as things had been good before then – it is very sad because i really cared about her and life is short, but i realize you cannot make someone care about you and if they do not then the only thing you can do is move on and live your life as best you can. I did feel fucked up about it, i felt i had done something wrong until everyone told me, no you have always tried with your mom and been a great daughter – i don’t blame her at all i blame my grandfather he is really the one who has destroyed generations in my family. I totally get where you are coming from. I am so very, very sorry you have experienced this. i know how painful it is. really do. i think sometimes people judge because they are just so angry. my mom kept saying she was so angry, i knew it wasn’t really at me, my dad (they are divorced) told me it’s not you it’s her, i realize that anger comes from fear and self hate and it consumes you, i am far less angry than i used to be, that is freedom. But none of us are free from our legacies of abuse, we can just carry on and not make the same mistakes and try to learn from it. i tried harder than with anyone with my mom it didn’t work but at least my conscience is clear because anyone will tell you how hard i tried. the sad thing is how abuse can ruin people – or make them blame a specific person. i suspect you are being scapegoated for what happened in your family and i am so very sorry but stand tall and strong, you know you are NOT the person they say you are, you know that, i know that. YOU ARE A SURVIVOR and you are so courageous for your truth. I hope you will consider submitting a poem for the WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED #2 that we will probably begin at the end of the year xo I will remind you xo

  22. True. I never thought honestly i had enough potential but i tried hard and did not let people telling me i wasn’t good enough, stop me. That said, if you opt out because you really don’t care, that’s just lazy because you’re expecting others to do it for you. If everyone who could vote, did, i doubt we’d be in this predicament, but then again, i don’t underestimate the stupidity of individuals either.

  23. Thank you I would love to submit and expression of my healing journey. I am so moved by your sharing. What is amazing about abuse is that so few people are able to understand its grave, insidious effects on family. Trauma bonding is so real that codependent connections seem normal. I have suffered at being unwanted because it was an assignment in the womb for me to carry out the generational curse line as my grandmother didn’t want a “bunch of kids” making that apparent to my mom. The solace I gain now is that I will minister to strangers everywhere I go because Holy Spirit will bring them into my line at check outs, aisles while shopping or as I’m getting into my car. I know to stop and honor the rejected and grieving child within them and to encourage their forgiveness of family while accepting that reconciliation might not follow. I am with you in spirit and thank you for opening your heart to share here.

  24. The answer is within you. The healing is within you. By helping others you heal yourself. I truly believe it is those who live selfishly that repeat patterns, and those who live helping others, who break the bonds that tie them. Your ministry has a just cause you you will help others ever feel the depths you have had to travel. I admire that greatly and we stand in solidarity. xo

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