debris of the unsaid

row-boat-painting-surrealism-woman-dreaming-row-boat-in-hair-beautiful-painting-art-row-boat-in-storm-paintingOnce

the storm

predicted and prepared for

still

blew away the thatch of your house

sent water pouring like words with lament

and whilst

i was sickening

i thought I heard you row

across the expanse of us

holding your roof as umbrella

your feet bare and needy

opened my cabinet of questions

gave you a draft of why?

to which you descended beneath brackish waters

places submerged in lost question

claiming to surface

a moment where you spun in orange pekoe light

sitting stroking Gato before he

tested his claws on a tree the buyers tore down years hence

i climbed that tree in my high heels

you took a photo aping for the camera

and one fixing your sink in mini skirt

that’s my girl you said

we bathed because then you had a bath and I had heated arms to wrap you whole

the ocean of the past drawing in and receding

with it, debris of unsaid and unchained

time behind and unrecoverable

Once

i told you I was sick and couldn’t swim

you held me above waves with your will

till you decided I weighed too heavy

on the stitch of your skin to keep

we both

and neither of us

strangers and familiar

deciding and without decision

lost that year to the storm

as it set its pulse on our sundial and drank all hope in its spiraling eye

(there are many forms of love, you chose certainty over depth)

and once

i took a raft made of need and dragged the silty water

searching for what was lost

of us

who we were and were not

for you told fate you never knew me after all

an error of thinking … no more

then the storm left and all we knew was flat and broken

even trees we climbed were crushed like sad-faced dolls

as if an avalanche had glossed over the details

leaving behind a shiny surface and no more beneath

but dull reflection

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Mercy

Though we were afraid
We stood

Though we trembled

We reached

Though we feared falling

We let go

Though you are far 

You caught me

Though you were struggling

You held on

Though we both felt we couldn’t

We did

And the light that bathed our rebirth

Was a mute white

And the song in our mouths

Was of gratitude

And my loved ones passed over

Clambored from their soil and Ash

As beautiful as children again

Clasping my empiness 

They claimed me anew

Standing on the bridge

One side darkness and dusk

Extinguisher of all I was

The other side golden 

You have been so missed they chorused

And at first I couldn’t bear the feeling

Surging in me like a hundred hands

But they held firm, did not let me run, did not excuse me

No death did not stop us

No life is not meant to be half lived

One foot peering over the edge

And when the bird

Red breasted and full

Flew into my room and cast his burning glow

I lifted from my expiry

I left there on the bed

My tears

My certainty of nothing

And light as a dream 

Flew outside

Feeling as if the very first

The pinch of fresh air

Brighten grey

Banish terror

Unplug disease

Renew hope

Lifting their hands to heaven

All those I thought lost

Remind me anew

You are so loved

Cone back to life

Cross the bridge

Watch isolation fade

As a dark ship will receed in fog

All was but a dream

This hand in yours

This family forsook

You are still standing

Even as landscape burned

Your strength found 

In the deep roots of a patient tree

Invulnerable to life’s petty whim

Endure and overhead

Watch the season turn on her slim ankle

And fill us with color

I have been waiting all this time

For permission to breathe deeply

And exhale 

Letting go of fear and the unknown

For those who are never lost

Keep us tethered to the living 

Even as they cross

To wonderment

The death chronicles 

Dear Death

You come wrapped in different parts I discover 

It hurts Dear Death 

Considering you over another 

For whilst fond of sleep 

There will be no more dreams

I will only cease to feel

The brittle lisp of trying to walk in keeping with all the happy souls who stave off doing your bidding

As i blunder toward the front of the line

Trying to fast forward our cessation 

A voice asks me

Why do you not appreciate life?

I could never explain 

Born with a hole in myself 

No amount of repair sewed together 

The pieces of me I needed to prosper 

Thriving is not innate

Some do not know how to face

Living

They exist in absentia

Behind walls and inside boxes

So much time can pass and you wouldn’t even know

They could be your sad faced neighbor

Cutting herself with the paring knife

Getting blood on the salad leaves

Passing it off as beetroot

She drowns herself in every bath

Swallows all the pills in the cupboard 

Gases the garage 

Throws knives at her running figure

To strike out that tumour 

Though it grows

Defeating her

Gnawing her defense to dust

Can you not understand?

The sorrow of those who 

Fall short of finding reason

Staring at high bridges

Wanting the pain to stop 

They let go

la graine

laise

This brittle heart

has loved only once

she gives the impression

she is eternally shut

though within her lies

a seed of hope as dormant as

the buds beneath winter earth

but whom

shall bring forth rain and sun

permitting her entry once again

to consider the marvel of a world

where love is not common

nor easily found

where cutting oneself off and hiding

beneath heavily padded doors

is one way the sensitive heart survived

so long

yet we are sand running in opposite direction

a flame not to last eternity

for surely the beat of our hearts

reminds us

there are reasons for longing

watching another moment pass by

thinking

what if

out there

in unknown, there is a person

wishing just as I

for the other half

would it be

we could discover

each other

and close

the emptiness

within us

even for the short

space of a

life time