(I took a long time to write this so it’s terribly late – I found it very hard to write. But it’s never too late to say how much you care about someone). This is for my beautiful and dear friend Natalie Scarberry who has left this earth and hopefully is out of pain and smiling down upon us from somewhere.
I have never meant to be selfish. I grew up knowing some very selfish people and I swore never to be like them. I think since I became ill I’ve had less and less time and energy for social media. Frankly I don’t know how you people do it. An hour of socializing online is my max and I have to work. I can’t seem to do all my work, run a household, balance life, make dinner, and spend as much time online as many people I know. (Although I equally know many who are never online). I realize if you don’t have a job or you’re retired it is easier than those of us who work, but I’m still amazed at how much time people can spend online.
Of the many I have met online since my first book was published (before then I was never online as much but it helps to promote) one person who touched me so much with her honesty and sincerity and true goodness was Natalie Scarberry. She spent a huge amount of time socializing online but it never felt like you were one if many. You always felt special. She had that angel’s ability of making everyone feel valued, she used to say it was because her mom did not value her, so she decided she would be the exact opposite and she truly was filled with light and love.
Despite being deeply devout she didn’t judge people who were gay or who weren’t Christian and she understood love in a way few do. From her generation and time that was so rare and she was the kind of person that truly made this world a better place. She was one of the most compassionate people I have had the fortune to know, and it was sincere. She was a wonderful gardener and her garden was a little Eden here on earth. She was one of the smartest, most caring and truthful people I have had the pleasure to know.
We have lost some incredible WP people including two Paul’s and dear Cynthia. I didn’t ever think I’d lose Natalie. And worse, because I’m rarely online long and rush to do things, I had not been in touch with her this last 4 weeks and she passed during that time.
I didn’t know. I am ashamed that I didn’t know. I should have done more. She was so worth it. Although any bodies life is worth it). I complain about others not caring when you’re sick and I was guilty of neglecting a magnificent woman.
Natalie. I don’t want to eulogize. You know how I feel. You made that same permanent mark in every life you touched. And I cared about you these long years. For your courage and honesty which cut to the truth and guided me so many times. I don’t get super close to people easily and you were family.
We who cherish you will never forget you my friend. Forgive me if you can for being so errant and offline these last few weeks when I should have been checking. I have no excuse. I never learned how to spend hours socializing online and that is why you and I wrote letters and sent cards and talked. But I am truly sorry I wasn’t there. And every time I drive through Ft. Worth it is you I shall always think of.
You once said your mom hadn’t much cared for you and we bonded over our moms not really liking us terribly much. Being a disappointment to them. Not understanding why they didn’t like us. I learned years ago from you Natalie, how to realize this isn’t personal even though it seems to be. It isn’t anyone’s fault. And my relationship with my mom was much better and brought us both some happiness for some years because of that. Even though she ultimately decided to end our relationship, there is no anger or hate on my part because of what you, Natalie, taught me. I value myself irrespective of whether my mom does and do not take her not wanting me in her life, personally. Your wisdom taught me to be okay with who I am without needing to hear that from someone else.
You had a brilliant sense of humor. I loved how you would always CUT TO THE HEART of things and write your truth, sometimes with lots of swear words! I found that so funny because you had such class but you were able to say it without reserve. I always knew you were honest because you didn’t mince words or say platitudes. Sometimes you would kick my butt and other times you would scold me but it was always in love. Furthermore you were a light so many reached for, with your daily quotes and thoughts, and your far reaching compassion. When I got sick you were one of few who checked on me regularly and cared – right up until you were sick yourself and had to spend more time taking care of that – although you never stopped caring for others, it’s just who you were.
I didn’t just value you for what you did for me. I valued your fighting words and your spirit. Your humor. Your deep faith. Your beautiful heart. I hope you know all that you did for all those in this world who love you. Your legacy will never die. I am terribly sorry I didn’t know you passed, I will miss you terribly but I truly believe your good heart will always be here with us. I pray for you and your family. Please know from all of us who loved you on WP that you will always be among us. Bless you dearest Natalie. There are not enough good people like you in this world and you made this world a better place for existing in it.