The teacher hadn’t enjoyed teaching in a long while
ever since her notions and reality rubbed against one another
exploding the myth she held in teaching college, of making a difference
her students
whom the administrators asked her to refer to as clients
wanted to pay for a degree, not to learn
we don’t have time to study they lamented
we are too busy with everything else which is, so much more important
the students
did not respect her because she earned less than
they believed they would earn in a few years time
she wanted to say DREAM ON but it was no longer acceptable
to tell the truth
especially with college administrators
(who were paid well, to shuffle papers from desk to desk)
watching in the wings
she recalled why
she had wanted to be a teacher
at eight she’d been sent to a foster home
where the ‘father’ decided to show and tell
using his fingers in wrong positions
she ran away and lived
underneath a bridge for the night
listening to the stars wink on and off
and the weave and fall of the world
the next day they found her, dirty and lost
spanked her for making up lies about being abused
and sent her to another foster home
this time the mother
starved her lean
told her she was fat and ugly
when she hardly weighed in
got her to clean and cook and scrub
she preferred that kind of reality
it didn’t involve lies it was honest in its
taste of cruel
when summer was over and she returned to school
a new teacher had begun work
she had the faraway eyes of a dreamer
and her voice was soft like bird song
without saying a word she knew the children who
had been neglected and abused
she’d encourage them often and whisper in their ears
this may seem like this is all there is
but there’s so much more!
one day you will be free to escape your confines
you can shrug off your sadness and become
anything you want
so when the time came for her to age out of the system
she didn’t bring flowers and a card for her foster-mother
instead she packed her single bag and left before
morning showed in the sky
the room was bare and emptied but somehow
it didn’t look so different to when she’d lain there
trying to take up the smallest space
funny that we can inhabit a place for so many years and
when we leave it’s like we were never there
a wraith who didn’t get heard or couldn’t
break out of her little mincing trap of potted meat
she hated the flabby jowls and empty eyes
of those who pretended to keep
her safe
being old enough now to look after herself she
enrolled in teaching college hoping one day
she could reach a child who sat at the back of class
with dirty socks and a mouth full of regret
but time moves on and things change even as they stay the same
kids become hardened, demanding, insolent
hurry up, please it’s time!
parents throw expectations like rocks and call educators
pathetic losers who can’t do, so they teach
she wondered
is cruelty a vein, like in a rock
inherited over time to savage and destabilize
our yearning for safety?
standing there, in her cheap hose and one good pair of shoes
the scuff blacked out by polishing
she saw in the sassing faces of her classroom
a loss of care for changing the world
her own longing to reach through time and alter
one person’s trajectory lost
in the hustle bustle of uncaring formula
spitting out diplomas and marching forward
not thinking at all
about what they have to learn
Written for World Teacher Day. In appreciation of teachers.
