Your hand covers mine
we clasp for the camera and smile a 100 watt smile
The American Way
I have learned
how to park a truck
that pale legs are not
as anathema in Texas as in Cannes
I understand, ordering drinks you size up
trying clothes, you size down
topsy-turvy world for a foreigner
lost in her baggage claim.
You made me feel
easy and comfortable like an adirondack chair
smooth wood, deep grain, eccentric shape
this became my town and in so many ways
it was thanks to you taking the time
to show me the way to fit in
the candles dim in the windows of the bar
as if they know you are now gone
where the bird died and we buried it
flowers grow up and a little crepe myrtle
as if forever our steps, will be marked here
mountain laurel blooms wildly
across splayed streets replete with thin cats
seeking their breakfast at Taco huts, the color of watermelon
where I ate among the gladioli without fear.
In the beginning
you were like Tiger Balm
rubbed over my fear, I was no longer shivering
could make my way through the throng
as good as anyone
your watchful eyes on my narrow back
seeing how I did, urging me onward
how will I continue with you gone?
Family, you said, comes from the heart
you may find someone you love in the strangest places
I found you in a Chinese buffet eating Won Tong soup
in my skinny jeans and piss and vinegar
you asked me if I used to be a dancer
I said yes, and now I unravel for a living
you took under your wing, that juniper girl who
didn’t know how to fit in to her new clothes
taught her the measure of her adopted land
like the time we planted trees and you warned
never forget to be merciful, to those less fortunate
the sky was pure blue that day, on the wind
the smell of honeysuckle and river lily
white cranes flew languidly overhead
we shared Limeade and Tortas, our feet dipping in hot puddles
I recall
the first time you were sick
I said, you reminded me of my grandmother
and you frowned; I’m not old enough!
But what I meant was
she had a strength, nobody else could see
every time I went to school she’d wait
in her high-waisted pants of crepe or wool
tight curled hair, wearing oversized sunglasses
below the stairs, nodding with a wink
mouthing the words; You got this
and I’d go into my classroom with a 100 watt smile
not fearful anymore
nobody saw that side of her, just as
people dismissed you as a Jesus Freak
seeing past the strength of your resolve
to live with love
I admire those; who have mercy and compassion
I look to those; who are loyal and unafraid to love
it is the weave of this girl, to follow in those footsteps
bring kindness, do good, lend yourself to gentleness
when I grew sick I saw, how many live with
anger and resentment, undoing their humanity
until they are unrecognizable and only breathe
the exhaust of their bitterness.
To the rose
opening this day
after your passing
I say, O glory, O beauty
live in the sun
as radiant and perfect as anything I have known
and I hear your voice, see your face nodding
you got this
I want to run backward and say
please don’t leave me, don’t go
but I know you have to
and I have to go on
alone but holding your wisdom
your mercy
in those lessons you left
imprinted upon my heart.
