Spindle

7d0ed5cd3d2e3d68eddfc2ef7d189b33Sometimes

love is a sadness

a mark against sun

warm rain

stored tears

sometimes on the best of days

you cannot find joy

love can hurt like a sting

reminder

never forgotten

It us better to have felt

all my pain and ecstasy

than feel nothing

and sometimes I see your eyes

graze over me

they are not present

you feel so little like a spindle

growing light of wool

It is as if you need

less oxygen

to function

and in those times, I want to say

oh love me as if we were dying

love me with all of you, not just some

fall as deep as I

but you never have

It isn’t your way

you are

sunlight hitting surface

to us beneath

the warmth barely gets through

and we grow thin

and restless

and hungry

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Fulcrum

Once

That part that burned to taste

Urged me to crumple up and set fire to rocket

Rushing in sky, a mauve glove of geese, maybe I’d die in pursuit

Or perhaps retain the heat of being young and urging on

Like galloping upon horse across darkened moor

Would permit youth to live evermore in witnessing starlight

I recall that impetious surge

To swallow up the entire sky

Opening my lusty mouth wide 

Consume all I could shove inside

Learning, love, adventure, dream, pain

Extinquish hesitate

Now it seems

Such a different version of me

I am no more the linx who came out in ebony hour

Thirsting for touch and feel, experiences mixed in bags of sticky fingered treats

To exist purely in a waking sleep

Smoking the reefer of self deceit, shifting always with instinctual unease

In whose arms, I longed to go, with my whole

And yet ever as if I were just passing through

Never laying down long enough to know

What struck real metal, versus weak afterglow

It was

The life we may choose to dreamily walk through

Until some bell or shackle

Maybe a curse, maybe worse

Or a loosening of something always within us, waiting to be witnessed

Halts the hedonistic child clutching her fat purse

Of fanciful, unraveled, egotism colored outbursts

Shakes her quite loose of her self satisfied joints

All the sweetness, all the spice

She is only this girl because she’s yet to find

There is so much more in the soft slowing of the mind

And when you see in an old woman’s eye

The girl she once was, held steady against her rounding shine

It is with joy you embrace the whole

Her fulcrum, glowing luminous along with moon