déjà vécu

We stood in the early morning silence, two warm silhouettes

waiting is the hardest when goodbye comes afterward

my bag a leaden brick in my throat

I thought of all the times you let me down

trying to reject the pain with supplanted anger

I could only miss you more before I was gone

the sting taught me the truth of us

these ties binding us over time and water

they never did listen to reason or sense

age, advice or security

we collapsed at the same time, head first into a river

carried along unable to climb out and dry off

why is it so easy to shrug some people?

forget and move away propelled by current

and others

command the underwater tow

they cling even as we fight without knowing why

wrapping around us in familiarity

sooner felt than can be sensible

 

more than familiar, you and I

beginning before consciousness

forming pre-determining chain links

recollecting pathways as you would

your own nature

did you create me out of your mind?

am I your child? your chimera?

at times it seems I do not exist until you

open your eyes and bid me morning

you, safron firebird in sky whilst I

hold up my crooked elbows and inspect

where you join and where I end

unable to fathom epileptic from phenomena

some of us are born with internal scripts

already printed and stored in clay

some of us are born with destinies tattooed in

the crook of our arm

a map of sorts

to each other

whichever way we take

make sure it is the way toward prophecy

where in hypnagogic trance our memories

form prior to birth

is it real? is it illusion? A play on words?

all is subjective painted into our make

with fine horse hair brush

 

our hearts are not master

the brain distributes sensation with

seeming spontaneity but all is drawn before

held in the minds of gods planting forests

they chose us to find the other

before we knew to seek

coming from inside out

who existed first? you or me?

without you I simply ache and ever longing reach

you are my pulse

threading rhythmically beneath

recognizing two who are one

reconstructing fate

whatever happens

however far we are led in wrong directions

as stars lick magnetically

we always return

no matter consequence

to be apart, always worse

than anything humans can create

 

we began when the universe

exploding in one enormous sigh

split itself into infinitum

gauging space and time where

before only emptiness knew

to be alone

that is what it feels like to

go one day, one hour, without

your arm to reach for and remind myself

the luster of your fur

soft and thick beneath the world

carpets me safe

so long as you stay close

within a single

heartbeat